Reset Your Relationship with Stress (for National Stress Awareness Day)

Summary of Reset Your Relationship with Stress (for National Stress Awareness Day)

by Pushkin Industries

43m•November 5, 2025
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Overview of Reset Your Relationship with Stress (for National Stress Awareness Day)

This episode of The Happiness Lab (host Dr. Laurie Santos) features clinical psychologist Dr. Jenny Tates on practical, evidence-based ways to change how we experience and respond to stress. The conversation reframes stress as both unavoidable and useful, then walks through ten actionable strategies—ranging from mindset shifts to immediate body hacks—to reduce rumination, improve coping, and use stress to support meaningful goals. Much of the advice comes from Dr. Tates’s book Stress Resets and an associated card deck.

Key takeaways

  • Stress is an adaptive bodily response that prepares us for action—but modern cognition often keeps that response turned on via rumination and worry.
  • How you think about stress matters: seeing stress as harmful worsens outcomes; reframing it as useful reduces its negative impact.
  • Short, practical strategies can rapidly shift physiology and cognition (e.g., paced breathing, cold-face dive, expressive writing).
  • Behavioral activation ("act opposite" or “opposite action”) is a central, evidence-based way to change emotions and improve life functioning.
  • Planning for joy, humor, and social connection aren’t optional—they build psychological resilience and buffer stress.

Top 10 strategies from the episode (concise guide)

  1. Reappraise stress

    • View stress as the price of a meaningful life and as a functional response that can help you accomplish goals. Reframing reduces harmful physiological effects.

  2. Stop rumination

    • Notice loops of repetitive thinking. Swap “why” questions (dead ends) for “how” questions (actionable). Set strict “think windows” (e.g., only from 6–6:15 pm) to contain worry.

  3. Build distress tolerance (radical acceptance)

    • Accepting reality—even just relaxing your face—creates psychological space. Label emotions precisely (e.g., “I’m angry, a 5/10”) to engage regulatory brain regions.

  4. Act opposite your emotion (behavioral activation)

    • When emotions drive maladaptive actions, do the opposite—two feet in. If you feel withdrawal/shame, initiate social contact; if enraged, try a small kind act.

  5. Zoom out to purpose

    • Remind yourself why you’re enduring short-term stress (e.g., working to support family). Mapping life domains (and their relative weights) restores perspective.

  6. Hack your body: the TIP kit (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive muscle relaxation)

    • Temperature: brief cold-face immersion (30s) to lower heart rate—avoid if you have heart conditions.
    • Intense exercise: 1–2 minutes of high-intensity movement to shift physiology.
    • Paced breathing: slow diaphragmatic breathing (e.g., 5 in / 5 out) to engage the parasympathetic system.
    • Progressive muscle relaxation: tense/release muscle groups to reduce bodily tension.

  7. Hack your senses / self-soothe with touch

    • Physical touch (hug, hand-on-heart, self-massage, cozy clothing) activates calming sensory pathways—useful when social touch isn’t available.

  8. Mentally rehearse (cope-ahead)

    • Visualize and rehearse how you’ll behave in upcoming stressful situations (realistically). Mental rehearsal uses many of the same neural circuits as actual performance.

  9. Use humor

    • Deliberately look for or create humor to change perspective and lower emotional intensity. Humor also helps regulate others’ stress around you.

  10. Plot joy (schedule and savor)

  • Put pleasant activities on the calendar, savor them during and afterward (describe specific highlights aloud), and use them to replenish emotional resources.

Quick, practical "what to do now" hacks

  • Immediate 60–90 second reset

    • STOP labeling: name emotion (e.g., “frustrated”).
    • TIP: 30s cold-face or 60s intense exercise → 1 minute paced breathing (5 in / 5 out).
    • Do a 10–30s progressive muscle relaxation of the shoulders + face.

  • If you’re trapped in rumination

    • Give yourself a defined “worry period” (15–20 minutes), use expressive writing (20 minutes across structured prompts for 3 days), or switch to “how” problem-solving.

  • To reframe behavior

    • Choose one small “opposite action” today (call a friend, send an appreciative text, do a short walk) and commit to carrying it out fully.

Evidence and clinical tips

  • Reappraisal matters: studies cited in the episode show people who believe stress is harmful have worse outcomes (the episode references a ~43% higher mortality link in those who view stress as bad).
  • For panic disorder: interoceptive exposure (“practicing panic”)—safely recreating feared physical sensations—can reduce panic reactivity and is an evidence-based technique.
  • Expressive writing protocol: 20 minutes/day for 3 days, progressing from describing the event to its effects and future implications—shown to reduce rumination and depressive symptoms long-term.

Notable quotes & memorable lines

  • “Stress is the price of a meaningful life.” — Dr. Jenny Tates
  • “TIP is like the control-alt-delete for your body.” — Dr. Jenny Tates
  • “Opposite action is the ultimate mental health hack.” — episode framing

Action plan / To-do list (one-week starter)

  • Day 1: Create a 3–5 item hope kit (photos, a playlist, a comforting scent). Put one item in your work area.
  • Day 2: Practice the TIP routine once when stressed; note effects in a 1–2 line journal.
  • Day 3: Schedule one pleasant activity on your calendar this week and commit to savoring it (describe one highlight aloud afterward).
  • Day 4: Try expressive writing about an unresolved stressor for 20 minutes.
  • Day 5: Identify one habitual rumination (topic) and set a daily 15-minute “worry window.”
  • Day 6: Pick one situation to rehearse mentally (work block, meeting) and imagine concrete coping steps.
  • Day 7: Do one opposite-action behavior (e.g., reach out socially when you’d normally withdraw).

Recommended resources mentioned

  • Book: Stress Resets by Dr. Jenny Tates (the episode’s primary source of techniques)
  • Stress Reset deck (pocket cards summarizing strategies)
  • The Happiness Lab (this episode) — for listening to the full conversation and examples

When to seek professional help

  • If stress or rumination is chronic, significantly impairs daily functioning, or you experience persistent panic, suicidal thoughts, or major depressive symptoms, contact a licensed mental health professional. The techniques in this episode are helpful for many people but are not a substitute for clinical care when symptoms are severe.

This episode packs a pragmatic toolkit: mindset reappraisal, cognitive habit-change (containment + how-focused problem-solving), short physiological resets, behavioral activation, and planning for joy. The theme: use small, consistent practices to shift how stress shows up and how long it lasts—so stress works for your goals instead of against them.