Overview of Mommy, Mommy, Mommy... Why? Why? Why? Getting Unstuck From Annoying Behaviors
In this episode of Unruffled, Janet Lansbury addresses a common parenting challenge: children getting “stuck” in annoying behaviors like repeated questions, whining, baby talk, clinginess, or constant demands for attention. Using a listener’s example of a 4-year-old repeatedly asking for breakfast items and revisiting scary experiences, Janet explains that the most effective response is not to lecture or correct the child, but to stay calm, grounded, and separate in our role as the adult. Her central message: when parents regulate themselves and stop getting pulled into the child’s behavior, the behavior often loses its power.
Main Takeaways
Children often repeat behaviors because they get a reaction
- Repetitive questioning or demanding behavior can become a pattern because it affects the parent.
- Kids are often not trying to be disrespectful; they’re noticing what gets a rise out of us.
- The more the parent becomes reactive, the more the behavior can intensify.
The solution is to hold your center
- Janet emphasizes being a “rock solid,” separate adult with your own pace and rhythm.
- Instead of answering every repeated request or correcting every “why,” parents should respond calmly and selectively.
- The goal is not to overpower the child, but to avoid getting drawn into the child’s emotional loop.
Children learn more from our presence than our instructions
- Janet argues that kids learn primarily through modeling and the energy we bring, not through direct lectures.
- Trying to “teach” respectful behavior in the moment is usually less effective than embodying calm authority.
- The parent’s tone, steadiness, and confidence shape the interaction more than words do.
Understanding Repetition Around Scary Experiences
Repetition can be healthy processing
- The listener’s child had witnessed several unsettling events and kept bringing them up.
- Janet explains that children often process scary or startling experiences by repeating them, talking about them, or reenacting them in play.
- This repetition is usually a sign that they’re working through the experience, not that they’re damaged or stuck in a bad way.
Parents don’t need to fear the repetition
- Instead of worrying that the child is becoming traumatized, Janet suggests meeting the repetition with calm acknowledgment.
- A simple response like, “Yes, that was scary,” or “You didn’t like seeing that,” is enough.
- The parent’s comfort helps the child feel safe enough to keep processing.
Practical Guidance for Parents
What to do
- Stay calm and grounded when the child repeats themselves.
- Acknowledge requests or fears without over-explaining.
- Let the child repeat themselves if needed without making it a power struggle.
- Trust yourself as the adult in charge.
- Keep your own rhythm and don’t feel obligated to respond to every prompt.
What to avoid
- Don’t get defensive or overreact to the behavior.
- Don’t keep saying things like “I already told you that” or “asked and answered.”
- Don’t turn the child’s behavior into a moral issue about respect in the moment.
- Don’t assume the behavior means something is deeply wrong.
Core Message
Janet’s main point is that annoying child behaviors often improve when parents stop fighting them and instead become more centered, confident, and separate. When the adult leads from a grounded place, the child no longer gets the same payoff from repetition, and the dynamic can shift naturally.
Resources Mentioned
- No Bad Kids
- Baby Person
- No Bad Kids Master Course
Bottom Line
This episode encourages parents to stop seeing repetitive or irritating child behavior as a problem to fix with force, and instead view it as an opportunity to model steadiness. Janet’s advice is ultimately about self-trust: when parents act from a calm, confident center, children feel safer, and the annoying behavior often loses its grip.