Overview of Does This Stuff Actually Work? Parents Write Back
In this Unruffled episode, Janet Lansbury shares follow-up messages from parents who tried her advice on two challenging issues: a preschool drop-off meltdown and a toddler who seemed scared of everything. The central theme is whether it really helps to do the counterintuitive thing—name hard feelings, stop trying to “fix” them too quickly, and stay calm and present. The parents’ updates suggest that, yes, it often does.
Parent Update: Drop-Off Meltdowns
A parent described her 4-year-old daughter’s worsening morning drop-off at a school where the mother also teaches. What had once been a manageable goodbye turned into crying, screaming, running away, and eventually kicking and biting at the cafeteria doors.
What helped
- Janet encouraged the parent to address the “elephant in the room”:
- It’s hard to be near mom and not be able to get to her.
- The parent followed through with:
- More explicit acknowledgment of her daughter’s feelings
- Small morning choices the child could control
- Help from the older sister in transitioning into the school routine
Result
Drop-offs improved significantly. The parent reported that her daughter went from intense resistance to a quick kiss goodbye and moving on to help her teacher.
Parent Update: Hair Pulling and Big Feelings
Another parent wrote about her 21-month-old who pulled her own hair when frustrated, tired, or bored—likely as a self-soothing response during a period of life transitions.
What Janet suggested
- Don’t just say “change is hard” in general terms
- Be more specific about the child’s likely experience
- Bring difficult feelings and disruptions into the open in a simple, direct way
Result
After listening and responding more specifically to the child’s likely feelings, the parents noticed:
- Fewer tantrums
- Less hair pulling
- Better emotional regulation overall
Parent Update: A Toddler “Scared of Everything”
A parent of a 2.5-year-old described a child who had become increasingly fearful of loud noises, cars, baths, daycare drop-off, and other everyday experiences.
Key advice Janet emphasized
- Don’t overstate the emotion by repeatedly labeling everything as “fear”
- Use calmer, more neutral descriptions:
- “That was loud.”
- “That startled you.”
- “You didn’t like that.”
- Stay calm and available instead of rushing to remove the feeling
Result
The parent reported:
- Her daughter says “scared” less often
- She is more willing to keep going in mildly scary situations
- The parent herself is responding more calmly and confidently
Main Takeaways
1. Acknowledge the hard thing directly
Children often do better when parents name the real challenge instead of smoothing over it.
2. Don’t over-label emotions
Sometimes “scared” or “afraid” can be too big a label and may reinforce the feeling.
3. Presence matters more than fixing
Kids usually need a calm, available adult more than a solution in the moment.
4. Small choices can restore a sense of control
Simple options can help children move through transitions more successfully.
5. Children often recover faster than adults expect
Once they feel understood and not rushed, they often settle and move on more quickly than we fear.
Bottom Line
This episode is really about trust: trusting children to move through feelings, and trusting ourselves to stay steady without having to manage every emotion away. The parent updates strongly support Janet’s core message—when parents make room for difficult feelings instead of avoiding them, kids often become calmer, more flexible, and more resilient.