A Child's Rocky Transition (Why It Means She's Doing Her Job)

Summary of A Child's Rocky Transition (Why It Means She's Doing Her Job)

by JLML Press

23m•July 14, 2026
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Overview of A Child's Rocky Transition (Why It Means She's Doing Her Job)

In this episode of Unruffled, Janet Lansbury responds to a parent/caregiver who runs a small in-home learning group and is struggling with a 2.5-year-old girl who cries often, rapidly switches activities, and repeatedly asks, “Do you like me?” Janet argues that this behavior is not a sign of a problem that needs fixing, but a normal part of a child’s adjustment to a new caregiving environment. Her core message: the child is “doing her job” by processing a difficult transition, and the adult’s role is to trust that process rather than try to manage or suppress it.

The Parent’s Situation

The setup

  • A stay-at-home mom with two toddler boys began hosting a small in-home learning group.
  • One child, a 2.5-year-old girl who attends twice a week, is having a rough time:
    • Frequent crying
    • Very short attention span
    • Constantly asking for reassurance that the caregiver likes her
    • Difficulty settling into activities

The caregiver’s concern

  • The mom worries she may be unable to help and wonders whether the child might do better:
    • in a larger preschool setting
    • or back home with her own parents
  • She also wonders whether the child’s behavior reflects a temperament issue, gender difference, or something learned at home.

Janet Lansbury’s Main Interpretation

The child is adjusting normally

Janet frames the girl’s distress as a healthy, expected response to separation and transition:

  • Young children often have big feelings when entering a new setting.
  • Crying, clinging, and “unstable” behavior can be part of settling in.
  • The child is not necessarily in need of more intervention—she may just need more time.

“She is doing her job”

Janet’s key phrase is that the child is “doing her job” by:

  • adapting to a new environment
  • building trust with a secondary attachment figure
  • testing whether the setting is safe
  • working through discomfort before she can relax

Why the “Do You Like Me?” Behavior Happens

Not necessarily a deep validation issue

Janet suggests this is probably not an advanced emotional need for reassurance in the adult sense. Instead:

  • The child may have picked up on language or ideas about liking/disliking at home.
  • She may have discovered that this question reliably gets a reaction from the adult.
  • She’s likely probing a sensitive spot, not making a fully conscious emotional request.

Adults often unintentionally reinforce it

If the caregiver feels worried, annoyed, or unsure, the child may sense that discomfort and keep returning to the question. Janet emphasizes that children notice our vulnerability quickly and may “go there” repeatedly.

How to Respond

Stay warm and confident

Janet recommends responding simply and openly, for example:

  • “Yes, I do like you.”
  • “I still like you.”
  • “I love having you here.”

The point is not the exact words, but the adult’s calm, steady confidence.

Don’t make the activity changes too accommodating

When the child wants to switch activities constantly:

  • Let her move around if needed.
  • Offer available activities without over-directing.
  • Don’t rush to “solve” the restlessness.

Janet compares it to a child taking time to settle—like circling before lying down. The child is not misbehaving so much as adjusting at her own pace.

A Counterintuitive Insight: More Time May Help

One of the most important points in the episode is that the child may need more time in the setting, not less.

Why more attendance could help

Because she only comes two days a week:

  • each visit may feel like starting over
  • she may not have enough repetition to feel settled
  • she doesn’t get enough consistency to build comfort and predictability

Janet suggests that, if feasible, more frequent attendance could make the transition easier, not harder.

Broader Parenting Takeaways

Trust the adjustment process

Janet extends the lesson beyond this one child:

  • children on trips, in preschool, or in new routines may seem unhappy before they settle
  • discomfort is often part of adaptation, not proof something is wrong
  • the adult’s calm helps the child feel safe

Don’t equate discomfort with failure

Janet encourages parents and caregivers to resist the urge to:

  • fix the feelings
  • interpret every tear as a problem
  • assume a child needs a different environment right away

Instead, she recommends making room for temporary messiness as part of growth.

Practical Guidance for Caregivers

What to do

  • Offer a stable, caring presence
  • Respond to reassurance-seeking without alarm
  • Let the child move through activities at her own pace
  • Recognize crying and restlessness as transition behavior
  • Consider whether more frequent attendance is possible

When to step back

Janet also makes room for the caregiver’s own limits:

  • If the situation feels too draining or unsustainable, it is okay to acknowledge that
  • The caregiver’s comfort matters too
  • Trusting the process does not mean forcing yourself to endure something that genuinely isn’t working

Notable Themes

  • Adjustment is messy but healthy
  • Children often need time, not intervention
  • Adults can unintentionally amplify the very behaviors they want to stop
  • A calm, trusting adult helps children settle
  • Small, familiar environments can be easier than larger ones for very young children

Sponsor Segments Mentioned

The transcript includes several ad reads, including:

  • Monday.com
  • Wayfair
  • Caraway
  • Monarch
  • Progressive

These are standard sponsor breaks and are not part of the parenting advice discussion.