Overview of How Long Gone 963
Chris Black and Jason Stewart spend this episode riffing on nightlife, weddings, music nostalgia, concert culture, food, and the absurdity of modern consumer trends. The conversation moves fast and stays funny: Jason recaps DJing a wedding in Providence, they debate Kanye’s staying power and Drake’s curation skills, and they spiral into a surprisingly detailed theory about bodily-functions-at-concerts, hydration brands, and what kind of people buy certain drinks. The back half gets more personal, touching on Chris’s mom’s gym routine, an unlikely David protein bar sighting in his parents’ house, a colorful building-lighting broker in New York, and a chef tribute to Katsuya’s creator.
Main Topics Discussed
Wedding DJing and crowd-pleasing music
- Jason describes DJing a wedding in Providence and having to navigate wildly different taste clusters:
- younger guests wanting “vroom vroom” pop
- older hip-hop fans wanting classic Lil Wayne and Ludacris
- people requesting MGMT and other singalong tracks
- Songs that worked especially well:
- “Memories” by David Guetta and Kid Cudi
- “International Players Anthem” by UGK and Outkast
- “Bound 2” by Kanye West, which Jason calls one of his all-time favorite rap songs
- The episode highlights how weddings force DJs to be part historian, part strategist, part therapist.
Kanye, Drake, and music culture
- Kanye’s current touring numbers become a topic of fascination and disbelief, especially the idea that he can still draw stadium-sized crowds despite his controversies.
- Chris and Jason joke that Kanye’s audience now feels like a mix of older heads and extremely online younger fans.
- Drake comes up as someone who is often accused of being a culture vulture, but who, in their view, also does real homework and helps spotlight other artists.
- They contrast Drake’s broad musical taste with the idea that he can also be calculating and image-conscious.
- They also discuss how songs like “Bound 2” and “International Players Anthem” have become timeless wedding/crowd records.
Concert etiquette, bodily functions, and “dog-brain” culture
- A long, absurd bit develops around people at concerts allegedly shitting their pants or otherwise struggling with bodily control.
- They connect this to:
- poor concert hygiene
- dehydration
- people acting more “dog-brained” and animal-like in public
- The joke escalates into imagining:
- piss pads at concerts
- drone pickup systems for bodily waste
- hydration brands sponsoring these products
- They also use Noah Kahan and Olivia Rodrigo concert anecdotes as examples of how young audiences behave at live shows.
Food, drinks, and “taste” trends
- They talk a lot about food and beverage trends, especially what feels overdesigned versus what feels correct.
- Opinions covered:
- Avocado toast still works, but it’s often paired with unnecessary garnishes like watermelon radish.
- Watermelon radish is more about looks than flavor.
- Watermelon itself is underrated in restaurant settings and could be elevated if served properly.
- Chris proposes a high-end watermelon presentation:
- cubed or pyramided watermelon
- a lime moat
- a small fork or cocktail pick
- a cold pedestal bowl
- They also rant about restaurant ketchup replacements:
- tomato jam
- flavored ketchup variants
- curry ketchup
- chipotle ketchup
- Their larger point: some “upgraded” food trends feel like overcorrections when the classic version already works.
Beverage culture: seltzers, ranch water, and bar behavior
- They discuss how casual drinks like High Noon, JuneShine, and ranch water have become default social beverages.
- Jason argues that buying these drinks at a bar feels strange because they’re basically premade convenience drinks.
- They contrast that with the “twisty mustache cocktail” era:
- overworked bartenders
- smoke, rosemary, flame, and ceremony
- too much performance around simple booze
- They seem to prefer a middle ground: easy, familiar drinks without the pretension.
Chris’s mom, fitness, and David bars
- Chris is impressed by his retired mother’s fitness routine:
- two and a half hours at the gym daily
- a bands-and-weights class followed by Zumba
- He’s amused and slightly jealous of how much time she has to invest in exercise and socializing.
- The big surprise: his mom is now buying him David bars, a trendy protein bar brand Chris associates with coastal wellness culture.
- He finds it hilarious that a product so tied to internet/fitness culture has made it all the way into his parents’ kitchen.
New York building light broker
- Chris tells a story about a man who brokers building-light color changes in New York.
- The job is essentially for people who want to pay to change a building’s lights for a celebration or aesthetic effect.
- They joke about:
- Drake using it to impress a woman
- finance guys using it on dates
- how weirdly profitable and niche the business must be
- They note that the job has a faint “tech founder/virgin energy” vibe, but also genuinely sounds useful and lucrative.
The Katsuya chef obituary
- They discuss the death of Katsuya Uechi, the chef credited with popularizing spicy tuna rolls and helping make sushi mainstream for many Americans.
- They reflect on how Katsuya helped turn sushi into a glamorous, accessible dining experience in LA.
- Chris remembers eating at Katsuya as a marker of a more upscale era in Los Angeles dining.
- The tone is respectful and appreciative; they treat the chef as someone who had a real cultural impact.
Music videos and new releases
- They mention a few current music videos and singles:
- Charlie XCX releasing a song that references Rostam and sparks discussion about image, styling, and provocation
- Phoebe Bridgers releasing a new video directed by Lance, which they both praise
- They note that music videos feel important again, especially for artists like Charlie and Phoebe who are using them as part of a larger aesthetic world.
- They appreciate that the videos feel inventive without requiring huge, obvious spectacle.
Fourth of July plans
- The episode ends with holiday plans:
- Chris is heading to Miami
- Jason is going to a gay friend’s house for the Fourth
- They joke about bringing classic Americana party gear:
- Old Navy 4th of July shirts
- Michelob Ultras
- They also mention the Old Navy patriotic shirt tradition and laugh about how fast those items sell out.
Notable Takeaways
- “Bound 2” remains one of Chris’s all-time favorites and a perfect end-of-night club/wedding record.
- Drake’s musical taste is framed as more culturally savvy than people admit, even when they dislike him.
- The episode’s funniest long-running bit is about concert bodily fluids, which turns into a larger joke about consumerism, hydration, and behavioral decline.
- Chris’s mother being deeply into Zumba and buying David bars is one of the most unexpectedly funny personal updates in the episode.
- The hosts continue to excel at turning mundane subjects—gym check-ins, restaurant condiments, drink orders—into sharp cultural commentary.
Overall Tone
The episode is loose, fast, and very joke-driven, but it still manages to touch on real cultural shifts: music legacy, wellness products, dining trends, and how status is communicated through taste. It’s a classic How Long Gone mix of insider references, observational comedy, and genuine affection for the people and objects they’re roasting.