Overview of Her First $100K — Episode 264: How to Reclaim Your Power (and Your Finances) After Everything Falls Apart with Jen Hatmaker
In this episode Tori Dunlap (Her First $100K) interviews author and speaker Jen Hatmaker about her divorce and the radical financial and personal rebuilding that followed. Hatmaker shares how waking up to evidence of her husband’s infidelity on July 11, 2020, forced her to confront decades of financial disengagement, religious and cultural conditioning, and emotional labor patterns. The conversation centers on how women often outsource money management, how shame and fear block financial learning, and practical and psychological steps to reclaim agency, safety, and stability.
Key takeaways
- Outsourcing money is common and often tied to emotional labor, gender roles, religion, early-life poverty, and convenience — but it leaves people vulnerable.
- Money problems are more about emotions, trauma, and psychology than math; the technical side is learnable once you push past fear and shame.
- A focused sprint of practical tasks (Jen describes a 90-day checklist she completed) can be transformational: account transfers, refinancing, beneficiaries, new passwords, and closing/opening accounts.
- Reclaiming financial knowledge restores safety and confidence and helps other life areas (relationships, career, healing).
- You’re not alone: financial advisors, books, podcasts, and communities exist to help and guide you step-by-step.
Topics discussed
- Jen Hatmaker’s wake-up moment and divorce (July 11, 2020).
- Why she and many women hand over financial responsibility (role expectations, emotional labor, “good girl” messaging).
- Early marriage poverty and the moment she initially took over finances — then relinquished control.
- The emotional overwhelm of starting from zero with finances: humiliation, shame, and practical logistics.
- The concrete work she did after divorce: notarizing documents, changing accounts, refinancing the mortgage, re-establishing credit and billing, meeting a financial planner.
- How financial literacy translated to safety, self-trust, and renewed agency.
- The role of organized religion and faith deconstruction in Jen’s life post-divorce — and alternate ideas of “church.”
- The cultural and societal benefits when women control money: stronger economies, less violence, better education outcomes.
- Practical encouragement for people in upheaval: recovery and flourishing are possible.
Notable quotes & insights
- “It’s not about math. It’s about emotions. It’s about psychology. It’s about your trauma.”
- “I decided to become a financial assassin.” — Jen Hatmaker on her commitment to financial literacy.
- “Not looking at your money is the thing that’s stressing you out. It’s like getting in a car without knowing how much gas is in there.”
- “Nothing bad happens when women have money.” — on the societal upside of women’s financial power.
- Reclaiming financial agency gave Jen safety and became the springboard for healing other parts of life.
Practical action checklist (what Jen actually did or recommends)
- Gather an inventory of accounts: bank accounts, retirement accounts, investments, credit cards, loans.
- Find and update beneficiaries and account ownership (especially after separation/divorce).
- Refinance mortgage / put key accounts in your name as needed.
- Close or remove ex-partner access; open new accounts and establish new passwords.
- Notarize and organize essential documents (IDs, deeds, financial statements).
- Meet a financial planner or advisor and bring an inventory of accounts (expect to start at basics).
- Create or rework a budget and contingency plan for income variability.
- Start small, knock off immediate tasks to build momentum — it will be self-propelling.
- Use helpers: financial planners, trustworthy banks, books, podcasts, and community resources.
Emotional & cultural context — why this matters
- Many women internalize “good girl” messages (selflessness, obedience, faith-based roles) leading to codependence and financial invisibility.
- Emotional labor and being the household project manager often makes money feel like “one more thing” to hand off.
- Shame and humiliation are predictable responses to financial ignorance — but they can be transformed into action: the path out is learning and asking for help.
- Reclaiming money is not only practical — it’s reparative, restoring self-trust and agency after betrayal or loss.
Who should listen
- Women (especially 35–60) navigating divorce, separation, grief, faith deconstruction, or any identity upheaval.
- Anyone who’s realized they’re financially out of the loop and needs encouragement to start.
- People interested in the intersection of personal finance, feminism, and emotional healing.
- Fans of Jen Hatmaker’s memoir Awake (promoted in this episode) or Tori Dunlap’s Financial Feminist work.
Resources mentioned
- Jen Hatmaker — Awake (memoir) — available wherever books are sold.
- Host’s resources: Her First 100K / Financial Feminist (book and podcast resources): herfirst100k.com/ffpod
- Seek a financial planner or supportive online guides/podcasts to guide the first 90-day sprint.
Final encouragement (episode’s core message)
Start where you are. Even if you feel ashamed or overwhelmed, the technical parts of money are learnable and the emotional relief of knowing is immediate. Small, focused actions build momentum; getting help is normal and effective; reclaiming your finances restores safety, power, and the ability to author your future.