289. You're Networking Wrong (What to Do Instead) with Danielle Robay

Summary of 289. You're Networking Wrong (What to Do Instead) with Danielle Robay

by Her First $100K

51m•June 23, 2026
Listen to Episode

Overview of Her First $100K Episode 289: “You’re Networking Wrong (What to Do Instead) with Danielle Robay”

In this episode, Tori Dunlap talks with TV host, journalist, and podcaster Danielle Robay about why so many ambitious women network constantly but still don’t see results. The core message: networking should not feel transactional or performative—it should feel like relationship-building. Danielle breaks down how to ask better questions, follow up well, offer real value, and play the long game so your connections can lead to jobs, opportunities, collaborations, and money.

Key Takeaways

  • Networking is not “can I pick your brain?”

    • Danielle argues that vague, self-serving asks are the fastest way to get ignored.
    • Better outreach is specific, thoughtful, and grounded in real curiosity.

  • The best networkers are not the most aggressive—they’re the most relational.

    • Strong networks are built through:
      • asking better questions
      • listening deeply
      • consistently adding value over time

  • The “long game” matters more than the immediate ask.

    • Trust and reputation compound.
    • Opportunities often come from being known as helpful, thoughtful, and easy to work with.

  • High earners and influential people network differently.

    • They tend not to appear needy or outcome-attached.
    • They focus on what they can give, not just what they can get.

  • Women often give too much free labor.

    • Danielle notes that women are often more willing to offer time, energy, and extra work without clear boundaries.
    • The fix is not to stop helping—it’s to help more strategically.

What Not to Do When Networking

Avoid these common mistakes

  • Sending long, vague emails with no clear ask
  • Asking for “15 minutes” without explaining why
  • Using “Can I pick your brain?”
  • Reaching out with a message that feels self-serving
  • Offering too much free labor too early
  • Treating networking like a one-time transaction instead of a relationship

Why these fail

  • They don’t show respect for the other person’s time.
  • They make it hard for the recipient to understand what you want.
  • They signal neediness rather than mutual value.

How to Network the Right Way

1. Ask better questions

Danielle emphasizes that curiosity is a skill we all have—but many people lose it because of school or corporate systems.

Good questions are:

  • specific
  • thoughtful
  • rooted in genuine interest
  • easy to answer

Examples:

  • “What’s the biggest pain point in your role right now?”
  • “If you gave a TED Talk in 10 minutes, what would it be about?”
  • “What’s something only you can teach me?”

2. Lead with value

If you want help, think about what you can offer first.

That might be:

  • a useful introduction
  • a thoughtful observation
  • a resource they’d appreciate
  • a solution to a problem they mentioned
  • a relevant event invitation

Danielle’s point: even if you think you have nothing to offer, you probably do—you just haven’t identified it yet.

3. Don’t be attached to the outcome

The goal is not to force a yes.

Instead:

  • show up consistently
  • be generous
  • don’t keep score
  • make people feel seen and understood

That’s what builds trust over time.

4. Separate relationship-building from one-off asks

Danielle distinguishes between:

  • a real relationship
  • a short-term ask

If you only need something once, that’s fine—but don’t expect the dynamic to magically become a long-term connection afterward.

Danielle’s Best Practical Frameworks

The “share, ask, offer, connect, invite” follow-up template

After meeting someone, Danielle recommends sending a follow-up that includes:

  • Share: reference something specific from your conversation
  • Ask: request something clear and concrete
  • Offer: mention what you can contribute
  • Connect: show you understand their context and schedule
  • Invite: suggest an event, coffee, or next step if relevant

Example structure:

  • “I was laughing about what you said about [topic].”
  • “I’d love to grab coffee and continue the conversation.”
  • “I think I may be able to help with [specific thing].”
  • “I’m free Mondays and Wednesdays if that works for you.”
  • “Also, I’d love to invite you to [event/experience].”

The “pain point” email

A strong networking email can simply ask:

  • “What’s the biggest pain point you’re dealing with right now?”
  • “Is there anything I can help solve?”

This works because it shifts the focus from what you want to what they need.

The “what can I teach you?” approach

Tori shares a useful interview prep question:

  • “What can this person teach me that nobody else can?”

That same mindset helps with networking because it encourages real curiosity instead of status-seeking.

Real-World Networking Tactics Mentioned in the Episode

  • Email assistants and gatekeepers kindly.
    Danielle notes assistants can be key allies and often know who to route you to.

  • Use social media and public content to personalize outreach.
    Look at someone’s Instagram, podcasts, interviews, or writing before reaching out.

  • Follow up with something memorable.
    Danielle shared early career examples like sending cookies or a bamboo plant with a note to get a response.

  • Create your own rooms.
    One of the best ways to grow your network is to host dinners, circles, or small events yourself.

The Big Mindset Shift

The episode’s biggest theme is that networking is really relationship-building.

Danielle and Tori both stress:

  • don’t be transactional
  • don’t be robotic
  • don’t over-systematize human connection
  • invest in people before you need something
  • build “conversational capital” before making bigger asks

That’s how relationships become friendships, collaborations, job leads, and revenue-generating opportunities.

Action Items

If you want to apply the episode right away, Danielle suggests:

  • Send one thoughtful email, text, or DM this week
  • Make the message specific and non-vague
  • Offer value before asking for anything
  • Follow up after meeting someone instead of letting the conversation die
  • Host a small gathering or dinner if you want stronger connections
  • Reach out to someone you admire with a concrete, respectful ask

Final Recommendation

Danielle’s advice boils down to this: stop networking like you need something, and start building relationships like you want to matter. The more generous, curious, and intentional you are, the more likely your network will turn into real opportunities.