Overview of Was dating while Black always so hard?
This Code Switch episode (originally aired 2024) revisits archival Black newspapers to explore what Black dating and romantic life looked like in the 1930s — especially 1937 — and what that history can teach us about dating now. Hosts B.A. Parker and Gene Demby talk with storyteller/researcher Nicole Hill, who dug through thousands of Black papers (the Washington Afro‑American, Chicago Defender, Pittsburgh Courier, etc.) to read personal ads, gossip columns, love poems and the “Lonesome Hearts” column — the era’s version of dating apps and social media.
Main topics covered
- The archives Nicole Hill used and what they reveal: Black newspapers published not just political news and civil‑rights organizing, but gossip, beauty photos, advice columns and personal ads that documented everyday romantic life.
- 1937 social context: Great Migration and urban Black communities (e.g., Howard University/U Street), companionate love emerging, life expectancy (men ~58, women ~62), FDR presidency, and popular culture (Shirley Temple, Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, the Big Apple dance).
- The Lonesome Hearts column: how people placed personals, what they asked for in partners, and the implicit codes (colorism, class, religion, education).
- Continuities between 1937 and today: complaints about dating, desire for emotional connection, and how structural constraints (economics, segregation, limited documentation) shaped romantic choices.
- Creative demonstration: hosts read and react to real 1937 personals and roleplay sending/receiving letters to see who might be a match for a modern dater transported back in time.
Examples from the Lonesome Hearts column (highlights)
- "Brown Eyes": 19, light brown, piano player, inherited legacy only payable if she marries; seeks a college-educated, athletic, 25–30, not under six feet, industrious man who knows when to invest.
- "Smiling Peggy": brown-skinned, 5'5", high-school grad, employed; seeks multiple nice gentlemen 24–29 who love church and movies and are employed — “color doesn't matter.”
- Ex-mailman: 39, light brown, once owned home and car, currently on WPA; asks for a broad‑minded and successful woman to help him recover financially.
- Eastman (widower): owns farm and six‑room house; “getting old” but seeking an honest, one‑man woman; asks for birth month—hosts note an astrology hook.
- Refined widow seeker: man seeking a refined widow 40–45 who appreciates a nice home — suggests preferences for class/money/status.
- Homer: 36, barber, churchgoing, non‑drinker, old‑fashioned; seeks a refined girl for a one‑woman‑man marriage — emphasizes movies, radio, reading, and church.
Key takeaways and themes
- Black newspapers served as multifaceted community platforms — mixing political urgency with ordinary pleasures (gossip, beauty contests, love poems).
- Companionate love (marrying for emotional connection) was gaining traction by the 1930s, especially in urban Black communities.
- Personal ads reveal priorities: respectability (jobs, church, non‑drinking), property/financial stability, education, and often coded color preferences; yet explicit mentions of dark skin were rare — “color doesn’t matter” often implied preference for lighter/brown skin.
- There is both rupture and continuity between then and now: dating difficulties are perennial, but the social, economic, and legal constraints shaping choices are historically specific.
- The archival record is incomplete; everyday romantic histories are less documented than political histories, so reading these columns fills important gaps.
Notable quotes and memorable lines
- “These newspapers were like Instagram updates back in the day.” — captures how papers mixed serious news with social life.
- “We are our ancestors’ wildest dreams.” — a summative reflection on how past aspirations have shaped present possibilities.
- The hosts’ playful framing of the Lonesome Hearts column as “the apps of 1937” helps bridge past and present.
Why this matters
- Contextualizes present‑day Black dating struggles within long histories of migration, segregation, economic constraint and changing cultural norms.
- Restores ordinary lives and desires to the historical record, showing ancestors imagined and experimented with many models of Black life beyond survival and activism.
- Encourages readers/listeners to consider both continuity and change when thinking about love, dating standards, and community norms.
Suggestions & next steps (if you want to dig deeper)
- Read archival Black newspapers (Washington Afro‑American, Chicago Defender, Pittsburgh Courier) or searchable digital collections to see original personals and columns.
- Listen to Nicole Hill’s podcast, The Secret Adventures of Black People, for more storytelling rooted in Black everyday life and history.
- Reflect on how structural conditions (economy, geography, colorism, access to education) continue to shape relationship choices today.
Credits: Episode features B.A. Parker and Gene Demby (Code Switch) with guest Nicole Hill; produced by Jess Kung; edited by Leah Dinella.