Overview of We Can Do Hard Things — "Tracee Ellis Ross: Holding On to Joy In Hard Times"
This episode of We Can Do Hard Things features Glennon Doyle in conversation with Tracee Ellis Ross. They explore how to stay engaged in the world while protecting joy, belonging, and integrity—especially during big life transitions (Tracee turning 50, perimenopause, shifting identity). The conversation mixes personal stories (Tracee’s 50th celebration, her mother’s influence, friendships), practical practices for emotional aftercare, and broader reflections on femininity, creativity, and freedom.
Key themes and takeaways
- Cauldron people: Tracee’s metaphor that souls are “made in bunches” and that we recognize and find people made of the same “ingredients” — chosen family matters.
- Chosen family and the barnacle: intentionally staying, showing up and being “stubbornly stuck” to friends creates emotional safety and continuity.
- Joy + activism, not hustle: desire to be engaged in world-changing work without succumbing to hustle culture; prioritizing freedom, depth, and connection.
- Self-expression as armor and language: clothing and glamour can be both protective armor and authentic expression of the soul.
- Managing inner narratives: Tracee describes the “risk hangover” (euphoric action followed by post-risk shame) and the danger of getting lost in old unlovability stories.
- Reframing fertility and womanhood: moving beyond biological definitions of fertility, expanding how we see creative and gendered life.
- Radical self-compassion: creating a larger container to hold discomfort; practicing “gentle, gentle” and “give yourself a thousand breaks.”
Practical strategies & action items (what you can try)
- Before big events, ask: “How do I want to feel after?” Then plan practical aftercare (who you'll be with, where you'll go, rest/support).
- Build a tether routine: simple daily rituals (make the bed, do laundry, cook) to anchor identity and presence.
- Name and call your people when you’re floored—friendship is primary support; cultivate “barnacles.”
- Make a list of things you like about yourself (especially traits that may not be “everyone’s cup of tea”) to resist cultural messages about choosability.
- Practice self-kindness prompts: “Gentle, gentle” and “Give yourself a thousand breaks.”
- Limit rumination by scheduling constructive reflection windows (delay examining emotionally-charged events until you can do so safely).
Notable quotes & lines
- “Souls are made in bunches…you meet someone and you’re like, oh, we’re from the same soup.”
- “I’m 50 and I’m free.” (Tracee, singing at her birthday in her mother’s dress)
- “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.”
- “Give yourself a thousand breaks, and when those are done, give yourself a thousand more.”
- “How do you want to feel after?” (a pre-event question Tracee now uses with her therapist)
- “Think of how weak you’d have to be to be everyone’s cup of tea.”
Topics covered (quick reference)
- Tracee’s 50th birthday celebration and wearing her mother’s dress
- The “cauldron” and identifying soul-friends
- Being single, chosen family, and being a “barnacle” friend
- Fashion/style as self-expression and armor
- Mental patterns: risk hangover, shame, unlovability narratives
- Aftercare planning and emotional support strategies
- Perimenopause, fertility, and expanding ideas of womanhood
- Public vulnerability, advocacy (Pattern hair-care brand, Who Knew Hair Tales docuseries, upcoming I Am America podcast)
Episode notes & credits
- Host: Glennon Doyle (Treat Media)
- Guest: Tracee Ellis Ross (actor, founder of Pattern)
- The episode includes sponsored ad segments (Ollie, Ritual, NoCD, MeUndies, Gatorade Lower Sugar, OneSkin).
- Recommended listen: sections on the cauldron metaphor, aftercare planning, and the birthday story for examples of living joyfully in hard times.
If you want a quick takeaway: name your people, plan for how you’ll feel after vulnerable moments, and give yourself relentless compassion.