Overview of Free Birds, Empty Nests & Sexy Sue
This episode of We Can Do Hard Things is a candid, funny, and surprisingly emotional check-in between Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle as they talk about major life transitions, especially the shift into an “empty nest” season. The conversation moves from family logistics and identity changes to listener advice questions about competitive co-parenting and non-exclusive dating, before ending with a spirited listener story about collective bathroom rebellion and a call for more “micro resistance” moments in everyday life.
Main Topics Discussed
The move from “empty nest” to “free bird”
- Amanda shares that all three of her children will leave home within 30 days, marking a major transition into an empty-nest era.
- The group reframes this stage as being a “free bird” instead of an “empty nester,” which feels more expansive and hopeful.
- They talk about how motherhood doesn’t end; it just changes geographically and logistically.
Family life in Connecticut
- Amanda describes their summer place in Connecticut as simple, close-knit, and low-stress.
- The setting creates a slower pace with less mental load because there are fewer schedules and obligations.
- She notes that being physically cramped together also creates a deeper sense of family closeness.
Emotional logistics of children leaving home
- Glennon shares how hard it is to face all three kids leaving, especially her youngest, Emma, who is heading to play Division I soccer.
- She describes trying to stay “frozen” emotionally so she doesn’t unravel before the transition.
- A powerful metaphor emerges from the pantry: empty snack containers become a symbol of the emotional emptiness she feels as the house changes.
Listener Advice Segment
Chelsea: racing her wife’s ex-husband in BMX
- Chelsea writes in about racing her wife’s ex-husband, who is also the father of her stepson.
- Abby and Glennon unpack the weirdness of competing against someone in a shared family system.
- Their take:
- The issue is less about BMX and more about performative nonchalance—the ex acts like he doesn’t care while clearly training hard.
- That kind of hidden competitiveness is a form of vulnerability avoidance.
- They emphasize that caring openly is scary, and pretending not to care is a way to dodge that exposure.
- They also note that the child at the center of this dynamic is clearly deeply loved by multiple invested adults.
Sexy Sue: dating two men at once
- “Sexy Sue,” a 53-year-old widower, has been seeing a 31-year-old for a year and a half and has also started dating a man her own age.
- She asks when she has to tell either man about the other.
- The advice given:
- If no one has asked for exclusivity or a relationship definition, she does not automatically owe disclosure.
- The responsibility to define the relationship belongs to the person who wants definition.
- If the situation starts to feel icky or emotionally off to her, she should speak up for her own peace of mind.
- They also point out that her question suggests some internal discomfort, and that’s worth paying attention to.
Key Takeaways
- Motherhood evolves, but it doesn’t disappear. Empty nest can be reimagined as freedom, not loss.
- Caring is vulnerability. Whether in sports, family life, or romance, pretending not to care is often a shield.
- Adult relationships need room to reset. When kids leave, partners may finally have to face each other more directly.
- You don’t have to “fix” what isn’t broken. If no one has asked for exclusivity, and you’re comfortable, dating multiple people may simply be your current reality.
- Speak up when your own discomfort shows up. Not because you “should,” but because your body is telling you something.
Listener Story: Bathroom Rebellion at the Live Show
The “patriarchy got fucked down” moment
- A listener named Liz shares a story from the tour stop in Seattle.
- Her husband found that women had taken over the men’s bathroom, and the men had to ask permission to use the urinals.
- The story is framed as a tiny but satisfying inversion of the usual bathroom inequality at live events.
Why it mattered
- The hosts connect it to a larger truth: women are constantly forced to wait and obey broken systems.
- Glennon shares a similar story from a Broadway show, where she led a group of women out of a ridiculous restroom line and into the almost-empty men’s room.
- The moment becomes a metaphor for not obeying in advance and simply moving when something is obviously unfair.
Call to Action
Micro resistance
- The episode ends with a request for listeners to call in with small everyday acts of resistance—moments in grocery stores, theaters, post offices, and elsewhere where people can push back against unfair norms.
- Call-in number shared: 747-200-5307
- They also invite more listener questions, especially ones as delightfully “sexy” as Sue’s.