Overview of “What Your Sign Says About How You Love” with Chani Nicholas
In this “best of” episode of We Can Do Hard Things, Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle talk with astrologer and author Chani Nicholas about how astrology can be a tool for self-understanding, emotional regulation, and social change. The conversation moves from Chani’s childhood in chaos and addiction to the healing power of being “seen,” then into a practical framework for understanding each zodiac sign’s gifts, blind spots, and role in activism. A central message is that the goal is not perfection, but learning to pause, notice dysregulation, and help ourselves in the moment so we can show up better for others.
Key Themes and Takeaways
Astrology as self-distinction and self-recognition
- Chani explains that astrology first helped her separate herself from the chaos around her.
- For her, chart reading created an outline, a sense of boundary, and permission to say: “This is me, and this is not me.”
- That distinction was especially important in a childhood shaped by addiction, enmeshment, and hypervigilance.
Healing is not just personal — it must be political
- Chani describes her work as “astro-political self-help”:
- personal healing matters,
- but it must connect to systems change.
- She is skeptical of any healing culture that only helps people feel better inside oppressive systems rather than changing the systems themselves.
- Her view: the point of healing work is ultimately to make that work obsolete.
Dysregulation is the real problem
- One of the episode’s strongest ideas is that when we are dysregulated, we become reactive, flooded, and unable to respond clearly.
- Chani’s process is to:
- notice the internal disturbance,
- pause,
- ask what is actually happening,
- and regulate before acting.
- Glennon highlights this as a powerful reframe of “self-help”: helping yourself before the spiral becomes harm.
“The things that happened to me weren’t about me”
- Chani says one of the most healing realizations of her life was that the painful things that happened to her were not personal.
- That idea helped her move away from self-blame and toward context, compassion, and clarity.
- She also talks honestly about the cost of telling her story publicly: writing can heal, but it can also bring up self-doubt, self-gaslighting, and fear.
What Each Sign Contributes and Needs
Aries
- Gift: bold action, courage, momentum, activism, fire.
- Blind spot: rushing in, burning out, reacting too fast.
- Self-care: pause before charging ahead; channel anger into purposeful action.
Taurus
- Gift: steadiness, grounding, persistence, staying power.
- Blind spot: staying too long in something that is no longer good.
- Self-care: reconnect with nature and know when to leave.
Gemini
- Gift: communication, curiosity, gathering information, seeing multiple sides.
- Blind spot: overwhelm from too many inputs or directions.
- Self-care: narrow focus, pause, and re-center.
Cancer
- Gift: care, belonging, emotional attunement, creating “family.”
- Blind spot: over-identifying with others’ feelings or needs.
- Self-care: make sure care includes your own emotional safety.
Leo
- Gift: storytelling, charisma, inspiration, joy, attention.
- Blind spot: wounded pride or needing applause to feel okay.
- Self-care: let yourself experiment without needing perfect performance.
Virgo
- Gift: practicality, usefulness, resourcefulness, precision.
- Blind spot: self-criticism that turns inward and immobilizes.
- Self-care: be critical of the problem, not of yourself; stay flexible.
Libra
- Gift: justice, balance, fairness, relational awareness.
- Blind spot: over-focusing on others and losing self-balance.
- Self-care: stay with yourself instead of defaulting to others.
Scorpio
- Gift: depth, truth-telling, power analysis, strategic force.
- Blind spot: secrecy or waiting too long for the strike.
- Self-care: use discernment to choose the right moment and target.
Sagittarius
- Gift: faith, philosophy, truth-seeking, freedom, inspiration.
- Blind spot: resisting limits or structure.
- Self-care: remember you are free and keep orienting to meaning.
Capricorn
- Gift: ambition, strategy, endurance, impossible climbs.
- Blind spot: carrying everything alone or becoming rigid.
- Self-care: keep the long view; the mountain is hard, but climbable.
Aquarius
- Gift: vision, humanitarian thinking, systems awareness, collective focus.
- Blind spot: forgetting the self while serving the group.
- Self-care: get out of the head and back into the body.
Pisces
- Gift: compassion, unity, emotional sensitivity, spiritual connection.
- Blind spot: self-sacrifice or losing boundaries in others’ pain.
- Self-care: remember that caring deeply does not require disappearing.
Host Chart Readings and Personal Highlights
Abby Wambach
- Chani reads Abby as deeply relational and purpose-driven through partnership.
- She points out that Abby’s chart suggests major life growth through partnerships, collaboration, and purpose-linked relationships.
- Abby is told she has a strong capacity to connect, nurture, and bring people together.
Glennon Doyle
- Chani identifies Glennon as someone with courage to go into pain and illuminate it.
- She connects Glennon’s chart to writing, communication, emotional truth, and a willingness to explore suffering.
- Glennon is encouraged to keep using her voice to help others understand pain, grief, and mental health.
Amanda Doyle
- Chani describes Amanda as highly compassionate, charming, and connective.
- She highlights Amanda’s ability to make people feel seen and valued.
- A key caution: because she gives so much, she may need to be careful not to give away her own value too freely.
Notable Ideas and Quotes
Memorable lines
- “We can do hard things, but we don’t have to be hard while we do them.”
- “The things that happened to me weren’t about me.”
- “If I can get to ‘what’s going on,’ then I’ve got a window.”
- “Eventually, this won’t be needed.” — Chani’s ideal for all healing and activism work.
Core insight
- Astrology, as Chani uses it, is not about predicting destiny.
- It is a way of understanding:
- how we’re wired,
- how we get dysregulated,
- what helps us regulate,
- and how we can use our strengths in service of others.
Practical Takeaways
- Notice your dysregulation before it becomes damage.
- Use your chart — or any self-knowledge tool — to identify:
- what calms you,
- what triggers you,
- and what your strengths are in community.
- Don’t confuse healing with becoming “good” inside a broken system.
- Seek both:
- personal regulation,
- and collective/systemic change.
- Remember that self-understanding is not selfish; it’s a path to more effective care, love, and action.