Overview of We Can Do Hard Things with Chanel Miller
In this “Best Of” conversation, Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach speak with writer and artist Chanel Miller about healing, art, depression, identity, and the radical act of refusing to disappear. The episode centers on Chanel’s idea that survival is not about being perfect or having everything figured out—it’s about showing up, staying present, and continuing to create even when life feels overwhelming. Through stories about her memoir Know My Name, her artwork, and her return to Stanford, Chanel offers a powerful framework for endurance, self-trust, and dignity.
Key Themes
Presence as survival
- Chanel describes one of the most important lessons of her healing: lowering the standard of success to presence.
- Showing up imperfectly, tired, scared, or uncertain still counts.
- Her repeated message: “I never went away.”
Art as healing and grounding
- Chanel explains that art helped her stay connected to the present while she was writing about trauma.
- Making comics and observing daily life pulled her out of the all-consuming “court world” and back into the real world.
- Art, for her, is not just expression—it is a way to protect her inner life and keep her imagination alive.
Healing through joy, curiosity, and small observations
- Rather than focusing only on trauma, Chanel emphasizes noticing ordinary life:
- dog pee on the floor
- a child writing “Melody is here”
- strangers on the subway
- small shifts in the neighborhood
- These details remind her that life is still moving and that change is always happening.
Identity, race, and invisibility
- Chanel talks about the pain of being underestimated as a Chinese woman and the harm of the model minority myth.
- She reflects on how Asian representation in media has often been either absent or paired with violence.
- Her mother’s strength, humor, and complexity shape how Chanel understands resilience and self-advocacy.
Depression and narrowed vision
- Chanel compares depression to looking through a toilet paper tube:
- your vision is narrowed
- you can’t see the full scope of your life
- you should not make major decisions from that state
- She treats depression as an altered way of seeing, not a permanent identity.
Chanel’s Biggest Takeaways
“Presence was success.”
- In court and in life, Chanel learned that endurance matters more than perfection.
- Even when she flubbed her words or showed up feeling broken, she kept going.
“Imagination is the key ingredient to empathy.”
- Chanel argues that art helps people imagine lives beyond their own.
- That imaginative capacity is what allows empathy to grow.
“You can’t fully know what your work means to other people.”
- After her victim impact statement reached millions, Chanel realized that the impact of what we create is often larger than we can measure.
- Her job is to keep making the work and trust that it will land somewhere meaningful.
“I want to meet the version of me who doesn’t have to be so vigilant.”
- A major ongoing question for Chanel is who she would be if she weren’t always bracing for danger.
- She sees curiosity about that future self as part of her healing.
Notable Moments and Insights
The mural: I Was, I Am, I Will Be
- Chanel describes her 75-foot mural at the Asian Art Museum as a visual representation of healing:
- the figure begins reclined and tearful
- then sits
- then kneels
- then stands and walks away
- The simplicity of the mural was intentional and required her to trust that she would have more chances to make art.
Returning to Stanford
- Chanel was terrified to return to Stanford, the place so tied to her trauma.
- Instead of rejection, she was met with sustained applause and care from students.
- That moment felt like a release: “You can go now.”
Her mother’s quiet strength
- Chanel shares how her mother supported her through practical, bodily, and emotional care:
- pressure points to relieve headaches
- steaming noodles outside her door
- unwavering presence and resilience
- Her mother’s life experience and fearlessness continue to inspire Chanel’s own courage.
Practical Wisdom for Hard Days
When you feel overwhelmed:
- Lower the goal from “fix everything” to “show up.”
- Notice one small thing in your environment that proves life is still in motion.
- Don’t make life-altering decisions from a depressed or panicked state.
- Look outward: other people’s tiny, ordinary lives can help pull you out of your own tunnel vision.
- Use art, writing, walking, or observation to reconnect with the present.
Chanel’s healing tools
- Curiosity about who she is becoming
- Daily noticing and observation
- Creative work
- Taking in the world around her
- Small acts of grounding, like water, walks, and city life
Final Takeaway
This episode is a reminder that healing does not always look dramatic or complete. Sometimes it looks like staying, making something, or refusing to disappear. Chanel Miller’s core message is both simple and radical: you do not have to be perfect to matter. You just have to keep showing up.