Overview of We Can Do Hard Things with Gloria Steinem
This episode is both a tribute and a wide-ranging conversation with Gloria Steinem about feminism, movement-building, truth-telling, and what it means to live with courage and joy. Glennon Doyle opens by reflecting on Steinem’s death and on the feeling of losing a hero, then pivots into an intimate interview that explores Steinem’s life, her mother’s unrealized ambitions, the roots of patriarchy, the power of community, and why laughter is an essential form of freedom.
Key Themes and Takeaways
1. Truth-telling is the foundation of liberation
Steinem emphasizes that social change begins when people speak honestly about their lives and are truly heard.
- Talking circles, kitchen-table conversations, and shared testimony help people recognize that their pain is not personal failure but structural harm.
- She connects this to the origins of major movements, including civil rights and antiwar organizing.
- Her core point: telling the truth and listening deeply are radical acts.
2. Women are not broken; the system is
A major thread is Steinem’s understanding of her mother, Ruth, and how her mother’s mental illness and unrealized life shaped Steinem’s political awakening.
- What was once seen as individual “failure” is reframed as the result of oppressive structures.
- Steinem links her mother’s unlived ambitions to the broader reality of women being forced to sacrifice dreams, work, and autonomy for caregiving roles.
- She argues that patriarchy is built on controlling women’s bodies and reproductive capacity.
3. Laughter is a sign of freedom
One of the episode’s most memorable ideas is Steinem’s belief that laughter cannot be compelled.
- Genuine laughter is communal and liberating.
- Fake or mandatory laughter—especially in response to male mediocrity or dominance—is a form of self-erasure.
- Glennon and Steinem connect this to bodily autonomy, authenticity, and resistance to social conditioning.
- Steinem also suggests that movements should include joy, not just seriousness.
4. “Ask the turtle” before helping
Steinem shares a story about mistakenly rescuing a turtle that was actually traveling to lay eggs, leading to her guiding principle:
- Don’t assume you know what help looks like.
- Always ask the people most affected by an issue what they need.
- People with lived experience are the experts on their own lives.
5. Criticism can be part of growth
Steinem talks about being “thin-skinned” and sees criticism as part of communication rather than rejection.
- Public “ass kickings” can be useful because they help keep you sensitive and learning.
- She distinguishes between criticism that is personal attack and feedback that helps movements improve.
- Being criticized can also mean you’re making progress.
6. Feminism must include everyone
The conversation strongly pushes back on exclusionary forms of feminism.
- Steinem’s view is simple: if feminism doesn’t include all women, it isn’t feminism.
- She discusses how hierarchy can tempt some women to align upward with power rather than build solidarity.
- The episode also touches on the exclusion of lesbians and trans women from certain feminist spaces.
7. Power should be “power to,” not “power over”
Steinem defines real power as the ability to create, include, and build equality—not dominate.
- She values power that makes institutions kinder and more just.
- The goal is not hierarchy, but shared capacity and collective freedom.
- She repeatedly returns to the idea that movement is made of people moving together.
Notable Ideas and Quotes
“Laughter is a proof of freedom”
Steinem argues that the thing no one can force is real laughter, making it a marker of autonomy and community.
“Always ask the turtle”
Her parable about activism: don’t act on behalf of others without asking what they actually need.
“If feminism doesn’t include all women, it’s not feminism”
A concise statement of her anti-exclusionary politics.
“We are not meant to be isolated, individual revolutionary pioneers”
Her activism is rooted in interdependence, friendship, and collective endurance.
Broader Topics Discussed
- The political meaning of motherhood and caregiving
- Reproductive justice as central to liberation
- The connection between patriarchy and control of women’s bodies
- White women’s complicity with patriarchy and dependence on male economic power
- The importance of co-parenting and teaching boys to be fully human
- Indigenous governance models, especially egalitarian decision-making traditions
- Lesbian leadership in the women’s movement
- Why same-sex behavior and non-reproductive sexuality challenge patriarchy
- How ordinary daily choices at home shape political culture
Final Message
The episode leaves listeners with a clear organizing vision: build movements that feel like the life you actually want, tell the truth, laugh together, include everyone, and never confuse hierarchy with power. Gloria Steinem’s legacy, as framed here, is not just about feminism in the abstract—it’s about learning how to live, love, organize, and lead without abandoning anyone behind.