Overview of Surviving online cringe (Explained It to Me — Vox)
This episode explores online regret — the embarrassment we feel over past posts, essays, photos, and hot takes preserved on the internet — and how to handle it. Through reporter anecdotes and expert guests (E.J. Dixon, Alexandra Samuel, and psychotherapist Amelia Knott), the episode covers why cringe ages so badly, how the internet’s archival nature changes what “deleting” means, emotional effects on selfhood, and concrete strategies for responding, curating, and learning from your past online self.
Key themes and takeaways
- The internet as an archive: Social media preserves many versions of ourselves (teenage fandom, early political hot takes, messy personal essays), creating a long-lasting record that often provokes cringe later.
- Cringe’s anatomy: E.J. Dixon describes a “formula” — earnestness + vulnerability + underlying insecurity = cringe — especially common in the 2010s personal-essay era.
- Era differences: Early social platforms (LiveJournal, early blogs) encouraged raw vulnerability; today’s platforms reward highly curated, branded personas, making genuine messiness rarer and more ridiculed.
- Deleting ≠ erasing: Deletion is often illusionary. Archives, screenshots, and caches mean material can persist even after you remove it.
- Emotional impact: Encountering old posts can trigger shame, regret, and lowered self-esteem. Shame flourishes in isolation; compassion and context help.
- Growth framing: Treat past cringe as evidence of development — a “scrapbook” or tattoo of your evolving identity — rather than a single immutable verdict of character.
Notable quotes and insights
- “The internet is this archive of all these different versions of ourselves.” — framing the permanence issue.
- E.J. Dixon on cringe formula: “earnestness plus vulnerability plus underlying insecurity equals cringe.”
- “Think of deleting things as curation, not deletion.” — Alexandra Samuel.
- “Trying to have a social media presence where you never regret anything is a recipe for having a completely meaningless and stupid social media presence.” — Alexandra Samuel.
- “Shame flourishes in isolation.” — Amelia Knott, recommending sharing context with trusted people.
Practical advice — actions to take (quick checklist)
Before deleting anything
- Treat deletion as curation: decide whether to remove, archive, or leave visible.
- Back up first: take screenshots or archive full threads (use archive.org, screenshots, or local backups) so you preserve context (e.g., evidence of growth).
- Consider leaving constructive evidence: if a thread shows you changing your mind after critique, preserving it can show learning.
If you discover an embarrassing post
- Pause and depersonalize: imagine it’s a friend’s post to reduce panic and gain perspective.
- Don’t rush to respond: wait, consult one or two trusted people, and plan a clear response if needed.
- If warranted, apologize or correct publicly and succinctly; admitting error is often powerful and humanizing.
- Use distraction and self-care short-term (step away, watch TV, talk to friends) to avoid spiraling.
Long-term strategies
- Avoid courting controversy for clicks; don’t make hot takes for attention.
- Aim for a middle ground: be authentic but not deliberately inflammatory.
- Consider going offline if maintaining a public social profile causes persistent harm — it’s a valid option.
- Reframe past cringe as growth: ask what you were trying to communicate or get from attention at that time.
Mental-health approaches
- Get curious rather than self-condemning: ask what you were doing emotionally/biographically when you posted.
- Share the experience with someone who knew you then or knows you now to contextualize and reduce shame.
- Convert shame into productive regret: let it motivate learning rather than self-flogging.
Guests, credits, and context
- Host: Jonklin (JQ) Hill for Vox’s “Explained It to Me” / Spotlight Network.
- Guests: E.J. Dixon (senior writer, The Cut) — shares personal embarrassing pieces and reflections; Alexandra Samuel (tech journalist) — practical deletion/curation advice; Amelia Knott (registered psychotherapist) — psychological perspective on shame, identity, and repair.
- Produced/edited by Vox podcast team (credits in episode).
Why this matters
Our online past is likely to outlast the lives and identities that produced it. The episode balances practical, technical steps (archive before deleting, pause before responding) with psychological guidance (self-compassion, context, community). The core message: you can’t perfectly erase your digital past, but you can choose how to curate, apologize, learn, and frame it as part of your growth rather than a permanent condemnation.