Overview of Rich On Rock Bottom, Resolutions & Reframing Family Dynamics
Host Rich Roll speaks with author Adam Skolnick (guest) about navigating holiday family dynamics, the true meaning of "rock bottom," and setting sustainable New Year resolutions. The conversation mixes practical strategies (boundaries, self-care, mindfulness), personal recovery stories from Rich, and a preview of Adam’s new novel American Tiger — a father-daughter, nature-centered story inspired by a real tiger sighting. The episode closes with concrete checklists for holidays, recovery, and goal-setting.
Key topics discussed
- Holiday and family gatherings
- Preparing a plan, setting boundaries, limiting exposure, and practical strategies to stay calm and centered.
- Techniques for those prone to people-pleasing (pattern interruption, small changes, service-minded engagement).
- Rock bottom (reframed)
- Rock bottom as a subjective decision characterized by willingness to change, not an objective lowest point.
- Shame, recovery, and how to move from paralysis to action.
- Resolutions and goals
- Direction over strict goals: think decades not just a year.
- SMART goals are useful, but hold them loosely, align with values, and follow “green lights” (signals/flow).
- Tools to clarify purpose: morning pages, self-care, and presence.
- Adam Skolnick’s novel American Tiger
- Themes: father-daughter dynamics, identity, and our relation to nature; release and distribution details (book + audiobook).
Practical advice & main takeaways
Handling fraught family gatherings
- Accept your powerlessness over others’ behavior; focus on what you can control: your responses.
- Make a plan before arriving: set boundaries, know exit options, and limit exposure (e.g., hotel stay, leave early).
- Prioritize self-care: sleep, exercise, meditation/breath work to cultivate equanimity and neutral responses.
- Avoid alcohol—filters drop and reactive behavior increases.
- Use neutralizing techniques:
- Imagine the scene as a TV show (depersonalize).
- Remember “everybody is right from their perspective” to foster compassion and reduce the urge to correct or “win.”
- For people-pleasers: small pattern interrupts (Irish exit, stay nearby but not in-house, offer service tasks like cooking/dishes) and stand firm once you set a boundary.
Reframing rock bottom
- Rock bottom = the moment willingness outweighs fear; a decision rather than an external disaster.
- It can happen early or late; you can “step off the elevator” before hitting the absolute lowest point.
- Shame thrives in secrecy—shame dies in sunlight:
- Seek trusted support (therapist, sponsor, friend, meetings).
- Rapid disclosure helps; act on small available willingness immediately.
- Build accountability and small, repeatable steps rather than waiting for huge motivation.
Smarter resolutions & long-term goals
- Prefer “direction” (trajectory & values) over rigid, time-pressured goals.
- Use SMART for specific projects but prioritize values alignment and intrinsic motivation.
- Think in decades: you overestimate near-term and underestimate long-term change.
- Morning pages (3 pages handwritten daily) as a core practice to reveal avoidance patterns, values, and clarity.
- Maintain basic self-care: sleep, movement, nature, social ties—these sustain willpower and creativity.
- Hold goals loosely—be open to green lights and pivots.
Actionable checklists
Pre-holiday / family gathering checklist
- Before you go: set boundaries and exits; decide how long you’ll stay.
- Self-care: schedule sleep, morning routine, breath work, and exercise.
- Plan coping tools: visual TV-show detachment, script for neutral responses, and a support contact.
- Practical: arrange alternative sleeping (hotel) if needed; avoid drinking or limit alcohol; volunteer for neutral tasks (kitchen/dishes).
If you think you’re at rock bottom
- Step 1: Name it—recognize willingness is available.
- Step 2: Find one person to tell (therapist, friend, meeting) — shame loses power in the open.
- Step 3: Do one small action immediately (call, attend a meeting, go for a walk).
- Step 4: Create an accountability plan and repeat small wins.
Making resolutions that stick
- Clarify values first, then craft goals that map to them.
- Use SMART for project goals; otherwise favor “direction” and daily habits.
- Daily practices: morning pages (handwritten), movement, 7–8 hours sleep, time in nature, reduced phone use.
- Review in long windows (6 months, 1 decade) rather than obsessing over a single year.
Notable quotes & insights
- “Rock bottom is what you decided to be.” — rock bottom is subjective and tied to willingness.
- “The only things you can control are your behavior and your response.” — focus on controllables.
- “Shame can’t survive the light.” — disclosure as a path out of shame and paralysis.
- “Direction over goals.” — long-term trajectory and values matter more than single-year targets.
- “If you want a different result, make a plan in advance.” — plan behavior, not others’ behavior.
Adam Skolnick — American Tiger (book highlights)
- Novel: American Tiger (out at time of episode); themes: a nine-year-old girl who sees a tiger, father-daughter relations, identity, and humans as part of nature.
- Creative process: dealt with many rejections, yet persistent “green lights” (early readers, synchronicities like the one-legged crow) kept him going.
- Audiobook narrated by the author; available through typical retail/bookstore channels.
Quick resources & sponsor mentions (brief)
- Productivity / health practices mentioned: morning pages (Julia Cameron), meditation, breath work.
- Sponsors referenced in-episode: On (running/hiking gear), Element (electrolyte mix), Pique (liposomal vitamin C), Momentus (creatine chews), Bond Charge (red light mask & sauna blanket), AG1 (daily superfood), Rivian (sponsorship alignment). (Visit richroll.com/sponsors for links/discounts.)
Final takeaway
This episode centers on agency: you can’t control others, but you can prepare, set boundaries, cultivate presence, and choose willingness over paralysis. Whether navigating family friction, recognizing a turning point, or planning the next decade, small consistent practices—self-care, writing morning pages, and aligning goals with values—create sustainable transformation. Pick one small action today and build from there.