Overview of My Mom Keeps Asking for Money (She's 82)
A caller to the Ramsey Network describes an 82-year-old mother living on Social Security who bought $2,000 hearing aids on credit and now expects her kids to pay. The caller is on Baby Step 2, trying to get out of debt, and feels guilty, pressured, and financially unable to help. The host offers practical guidance about boundaries, communication, and non-monetary ways to maintain relationship without enabling ongoing debt.
Key points and main takeaways
- You are not obligated to fund your parent’s purchases, especially if you’re working on your own debt/financial recovery.
- Clear, firm boundaries are essential: a simple, repeated “I can’t help financially right now” is sufficient.
- You control your actions, not her reactions or guilt; repeat the boundary consistently until it sticks.
- Offer time and connection instead of money (coffee, games, walks) to preserve the relationship without enabling spending.
- If she refuses budgeting help, she likely wants money, not long-term change — that’s a sign to stop giving.
- Siblings coordinating similar boundaries reduces the chance she will shop around for a willing payer.
- Letting the consequences (late fees, collections) happen can be the only way to force change if she won’t accept help.
Advice and recommended approach
- Say a short, firm no: “Mom, I can’t help out right now.” No long list of excuses needed.
- Keep responses consistent. If one child gives in, the boundary is undermined.
- Offer alternatives: bring coffee and dominoes, meet at home, suggest free/low-cost activities.
- If she asks for help with money in the future, consider offering budgeting coaching instead of cash.
- If she’s in true financial crisis (not just credit-card cycle), work together to create a one-time, structured plan — not ongoing bailouts.
- Recognize the emotional difficulty, but don’t compound your own financial recovery by enabling.
Sample scripts (short and practical)
- Short: “Mom, I can’t help financially right now. I love you, but I can’t.”
- Slightly longer: “Mom, I’m working on getting out of debt and I don’t have extra funds. I can’t pay the hearing-aid bill. I can come by Tuesday and we can play dominoes and have coffee.”
- Redirect: “I can’t give money, but I can help you look at your budget if you want help getting off the credit-card cycle.”
Practical action steps (todo list)
- Decide your personal limit and stick to it (no long explanations).
- Talk with siblings and agree on the same boundary so Mom can’t “shop” for help.
- Prepare one or two brief responses and use them every time she asks.
- Offer low-cost, thoughtful alternatives for spending time together.
- If/when she asks to change money habits, offer to help with budgeting — not cash.
- Be prepared for short-term relationship discomfort; repeat the boundary until it becomes the norm.
- If there’s a real emergency, consider a one-time, documented, conditional plan rather than ongoing payments.
Notable quotes
- “You can just say, hey, mom, I’m working on my own finances. I can’t kick in on this time.”
- “You don’t have to have a reason. You can just say, Mom, I can’t help out right now. Thanks for thinking of me.”
- “If she doesn’t want your help getting better with money, she just wants the money.”
- “Hold the line.”
Additional notes
- Credit card companies enabling seniors on fixed incomes is a broader problem; family often ends up bearing the cost.
- Setting boundaries may risk short-term friction, but it protects your financial future and can prompt accountability for the parent.
- The host emphasizes controlling your next right move (actions) rather than trying to control feelings or the other person.