Summary of My Husband and I Are Getting Back Together But He Still Doesn't Trust Me

Overview of My Husband and I Are Getting Back Together But He Still Doesn't Trust Me

This Ramsey Network segment features a caller (Lee) who divorced in 2024 and is reconciling with her husband. Her primary concern: she previously handled money poorly and unexpectedly left the marriage, which broke deeper trust than finances alone. She’s now debt-reducing, has completed Financial Peace University, and asks how to rebuild trust—particularly around shared finances—so they can truly move forward together.

Key points and main takeaways

• The husband’s hesitancy is rooted in deeper breach of trust (she abruptly left), not just money mismanagement.
• True reconciliation requires both partners to be fully “in the boat” — one-sided commitment won’t work.
• Trust is rebuilt in many small, consistent actions over time, not in grand gestures.
• A clear, mutual roadmap with regular check-ins (e.g., 30/60/90 days) helps measure progress and set expectations.
• The wounded spouse can set the terms for reestablishing trust; the partner seeking reconciliation decides whether to follow that path.
• Shared finances tend to strengthen alignment and shared goals, but should be reintroduced only after trust is being reestablished.

Practical advice and recommended roadmap

• Ask the husband to define a clear, step-by-step plan for reestablishing trust. Examples of expectations and checkpoints should be concrete and measurable.
• Agree to regular reviews (30/60/90 days or another mutually agreed cadence) to assess trust-building progress.
• Both partners must commit fully if they decide to remarry/reconcile; the wounded partner must also risk being hurt again if they choose to trust.

Tactical steps suggested to rebuild financial trust

• Close and cut up all personal credit cards.
• Freeze your credit and give the husband the passcode so you cannot open new credit accounts without his involvement.
• Move to a joint account setup but consider not taking a debit card immediately for the partner being watched.
• Turn on transaction alerts for every withdrawal or purchase so both partners receive notifications.
• Use EveryDollar (or similar budgeting tools) — premium versions send instant spending alerts and help maintain transparency.
• Consider a staged timeline (e.g., six months) before fully merging finances if all check-ins go well.

Important emotional and relational guidance

• Recognize the emotional damage: the husband carries “fresh scars” from being abandoned; empathy and patience are essential.
• The partner seeking reconciliation should confront their own shame and regain self-trust through consistent behavior.
• Avoid playing the victim or groveling; present a plan and demonstrate accountability.
• Both must accept risk: rebuilding requires the hurt spouse to take the chance of being vulnerable again.

Notable quotes

• “I want you to hear his hesitancy as not about money. It's deeper than that.”
• “You pulled a pin on a grenade and rolled it into his life and exploded it.”
• “Trust will not be re-earned in huge, grandiose moments. It will be earned in a thousand tiny little ways over time.”

Action list (what Lee can do next)

1. Tell her husband she wants a clear roadmap for reestablishing trust and ask him to draft specific steps and timelines.
2. Close/cut up credit cards and continue paying down debt (keep him updated on progress).
3. Freeze credit and provide the passcode to the husband.
4. Move to a joint account structure with transaction alerts and delay giving a debit card.
5. Use a shared budgeting tool (EveryDollar) and offer to share the budget and alerts.
6. Agree on check-in dates (30/60/90 days) and a reassessment point (e.g., 6 months) before fully merging finances.
7. Consider therapy/counseling to address underlying issues and to support reconciliation (BetterHelp and in-person options mentioned).

Final takeaway

Reconciliation is possible, but it requires concrete accountability, transparent financial controls, and consistent small actions over time. Both partners must commit fully and follow a mutually agreed roadmap with regular check-ins so trust can be rebuilt intentionally and safely.