Overview of My Fiancé Is Asking For A Prenup
This episode presents a caller, Anne, who’s engaged after nearly two years and is wrestling with her fiancé’s request for a prenuptial agreement. Both are self-employed, have adult children from prior relationships, and own separate homes. Anne is debt-free with a paid-off property (~$550–600K net worth). Her fiancé’s house and land are worth about $750K with roughly $280K owed; Anne suspects he has little retirement and some unknown debt. Key flashpoints: his desire to keep his home for his daughters, his reluctance to disclose full finances, and his insistence on living in the house he shared with his ex. The hosts weigh the pros/cons of prenups, emphasize transparency, and give practical next steps.
Key points and topics discussed
- Purpose of prenups: a legal plan for ownership/split of assets, often used to protect children’s inheritance or clarify expectations.
- Prenups are not a substitute for relationship transparency; they shouldn’t be used to hide finances or permanently avoid pooling resources.
- Main red flags:
- Lack of full financial disclosure from the fiancé (unknown retirement, other debt).
- Unwillingness to compromise on housing (he insists on staying in the ex-home; Anne offered to sell her property to pay off his mortgage).
- Seeming mismatch between each person’s expectations of marriage (different “pictures of marriage”).
- Emotional context: fiancé nearly lost his home in the previous divorce, which explains his protectiveness but doesn’t justify secrecy or unilateral demands.
Main advice and takeaways
- Transparency first: Before discussing the legal mechanics of a prenup, both partners must fully disclose assets, debts, retirement accounts, and other material financial facts.
- Get independent legal representation: Each party should have their own attorney when drafting/reviewing a prenup to ensure fair terms and legal enforceability.
- A prenup can be reasonable: It’s not inherently selfish — it can be used to protect adult children’s inheritance and to clarify expectations — but it must be fair and supported by disclosure and negotiation.
- Address values and expectations explicitly: Both should write and exchange detailed “pictures of marriage” covering finances, housing, inheritance, accounts, and intimacy to see where they align and where they don’t.
- Protect your equity: If Anne moves into his house or contributes assets to a property intended to pass to his children, the prenup (or contract) should secure equivalent value or compensation (e.g., rights to home equity or reimbursement) so she isn’t left without resources later.
Concrete action items / checklist
- Request full, itemized financial disclosure from fiancé:
- Current balances (mortgage, loans, credit cards)
- Asset valuations (homes, business valuation, vehicles)
- Retirement accounts and expected income streams
- Outstanding tax liabilities or lawsuits, if any
- Each hire independent counsel to review and negotiate prenup language.
- Draft and exchange “picture of marriage” documents:
- How will money be managed? Joint checking? Separate business income?
- Housing plan: who will live where? What happens to each property on death/divorce?
- Inheritance expectations for adult children and how those are protected.
- If combining or selling property is contemplated:
- Put in writing how contributions are treated (reimbursement, shared equity, or protected separate property).
- Negotiate specific prenup clauses that reflect agreed compromises:
- Protection for his daughters while ensuring Anne’s contributions are compensated.
- Clear handling of business income vs. household income.
- Set a timeline for disclosure and decision-making; don’t let secrecy or indefinite postponement continue.
- Be prepared to walk away if core values and non-negotiables aren’t aligned.
Notable quotes and framing
- “A prenup is not a cover for division. It’s just a plan.” — emphasizes prenups are planning tools, not avoidance.
- “Clear is kind.” — the hosts urge explicit, detailed communication about expectations.
- “You’re about to be his wife … asking about his money is not rude or weird.” — stresses that financial transparency is a basic part of committed partnership.
- “You’re squashing what you’re feeling … burying parts of yourself to keep the peace.” — a caution to Anne about the emotional cost of avoiding hard conversations.
Bottom line
A prenup can be a reasonable and protective tool—especially where adult children and unequal assets are involved—but it must be built on full financial disclosure, independent legal advice, and negotiated fairness. The bigger immediate concern is alignment: differing expectations about housing, inheritance, and openness signal deeper mismatches that should be resolved before marriage. Anne should insist on transparency, get counsel, outline mutual expectations in writing, and only proceed if the relationship’s practical and emotional foundations match her needs and boundaries.