Overview of "I Think You Know The Answer To That"
This episode is a call-in to the Ramsey Network where a listener (Penelope) asks whether she and her husband should be responsible for her father‑in‑law’s property taxes. The host (Dave Ramsey) bluntly says no — the issue isn't primarily the $2,100/year but the husband's refusal to discuss boundaries and finances, which signals deeper relationship and family dysfunction. The conversation covers the facts of the situation, the risks of continuing to pay, family dynamics ("family script"), and practical boundaries the couple should enforce.
Key facts from the call
- Caller married 3 years; ages: wife 33, husband 35.
- Household income: about $8,900/month.
- Monthly obligations: car loan, high daycare costs.
- Father‑in‑law: 60 years old, has diabetes and COPD, receives some disability (unclear source/amount).
- Property taxes: ~$2,100/year (husband has paid for 3 years).
- Property ownership: deeded 50/50 to father‑in‑law and a deceased uncle. The uncle had children and a surviving widow. No clear wills in place.
- Husband’s job: field service technician, recently promoted to coordinate field service staff.
- Background: the deceased uncle’s brother used to pay taxes; after he died the father‑in‑law asked the husband to take over.
Main takeaways
- Financial answer: You shouldn’t be routinely paying someone else’s property taxes unless there’s a legal, transparent reason (for example, the property is deeded to you or there’s an explicit, documented agreement).
- Relationship answer: The bigger problem is the husband’s refusal to be transparent and discuss the issue with his wife. This avoidance shows disrespect and poor communication in the marriage.
- Legal/estate risk: Paying taxes doesn’t guarantee ownership; family members (uncle’s kids, widow) could later contest or otherwise complicate the situation, especially with no will.
- Family dynamics: The situation is driven by a dysfunctional “family script” where roles and expectations go unquestioned. Breaking that script requires deliberate, sometimes faith‑driven, confrontation done kindly and clearly.
- Long‑term risk: If the couple cannot have uncomfortable but necessary financial conversations, they’ll likely continue enabling others and harming their own financial stability.
Notable quotes and insights
- “He’s paying 100% of the property taxes to get 50% of the property.”
- “This is disrespectful to you.”
- “If he can’t handle this, then good luck to you.”
- “You’re going to be broke all your life writing checks for crap that ain’t yours.”
- On dysfunctional families: people “play your part, even if your part is screwed up.”
Concrete recommended actions (what Penelope — or a listener in this situation — should do)
- Stop paying without a written agreement:
- Do not continue paying taxes unless the ownership/expectations are legally clarified (deed transfer, contract, or will).
- Demand transparency:
- Ask for details about the father‑in‑law’s income, disability benefits, and why no one else is contributing.
- Require a legal arrangement if he wants help:
- Insist the property be deeded to whoever is paying, or formalize the arrangement in writing (loan agreement, repayment terms, etc.) before contributing.
- Address the marital communication breakdown:
- Have a direct, non‑accusatory conversation. If husband won’t engage, consider marriage counseling or a mediator.
- Protect your finances:
- Reaffirm household budgeting priorities, emergency fund, and limit discretionary transfers to extended family.
- Investigate estate/ownership clarity:
- Encourage the husband/father‑in‑law to consult an estate attorney to confirm title, wills, and potential claims by other relatives.
Short scripts you can use
- To your husband: “I respect that you want to help, but I won’t agree to pay taxes for a property we don’t legally own. If you want my help, get the deed or a written legal agreement.”
- To father‑in‑law (or family): “We need to know who legally owns the property and see documentation of income/benefits before we can consider contributing.”
Bottom line
Money-wise the $2,100/year is manageable for this household, but the act of paying for someone else’s property without transparency is toxic because it masks a deeper problem: a spouse who avoids accountability and won’t have necessary, uncomfortable conversations. Fixing the relationship and setting firm financial boundaries are the priorities — not continuing to pay taxes on someone else’s property.