Overview of I’m Paying For My 19-Year-Old’s Financial Mistakes
This Ramsey Network episode features a caller (Kay) who is frustrated because her 19-year-old son traded a paid-off car for a 2018 BMW, and she has repeatedly covered insurance, repairs, and registration when he hasn’t paid. She’s considering sending him to his father’s house but asks how to “put her foot down.” The hosts push back, identify the root problem as her enabling behavior and fear, and give direct, practical steps: confess, stop bailing him out, set clear consequences, and teach him to take responsibility so he can learn from mistakes.
Key takeaways
- The immediate issue (car costs) is less important than the underlying pattern: parental enabling driven by fear.
- Protecting kids from every mistake prevents learning—allowing consequences is a key part of maturing.
- Sending the son to his father’s house is likely avoidance and won’t solve the behavior; the mother should stay engaged and enforce boundaries.
- Practical actions: confess your mistake to your son, stop covering costs immediately, set clear, enforceable consequences (e.g., keys removed, car parked), and require him to show financial responsibility/budgeting.
What happened (brief summary)
- Son traded a paid-off car for a 2018 BMW.
- Mom has been paying insurance and other car expenses with the plan he’d reimburse; he’s fallen short.
- Car repairs and unpaid registration have accumulated; mom has been bailing him out.
- Mom is considering sending him to his father’s house because she feels overwhelmed and wants to stop rescuing him.
Hosts’ main advice (concrete)
- Stop rescuing immediately: no more covering insurance, repairs, registration, or other car expenses.
- Confess to your son: admit you’ve been “soft” and explain why you did it (fear of him repeating your mistakes). This models humility and honesty.
- Set explicit, enforceable consequences: take the car keys and park the car until he meets the conditions you set (e.g., pays certain amounts, shows a budget, proves steady income).
- Help him learn—don’t remove yourself entirely. Stay in the picture while enforcing boundaries.
- Use budgeting tools and require him to show a plan (EveryDollar is recommended by the show).
Suggested script (short, actionable)
- “Buddy, I need to be honest. I’ve been soft and have been covering your car costs because I’m afraid you’ll repeat my mistakes. That stops today. I will no longer pay for insurance, repairs, or registration. I’m taking the keys and the car will be parked until you [pay X / get a steady budget in place / start contributing $Y/month]. I’ll help you learn to budget, but you have to take responsibility.”
Why this matters (psychology & parenting)
- Enabling prevents learning: kids develop through consequences; bubble-wrapping them can lead to repeated poor choices.
- The caller’s behavior is driven by fear and desire to control outcomes—confession and accountability break that cycle.
- Staying present while enforcing boundaries teaches responsibility and preserves the parent-child relationship better than avoidance.
Actionable next steps (recommended checklist)
- Immediately stop paying any car-related expenses.
- Have the confession/conversation with your son today using a prepared script.
- Remove access to the car (keys/car parked) until agreed conditions are met.
- Require a written budget from your son (use a budgeting app like EveryDollar) and proof of how he’ll pay insurance/registration/repairs going forward.
- Decide and communicate clear, finite consequences if he doesn’t comply (e.g., alternative living arrangements), but avoid using those as an escape from enforcing rules yourself.
- Follow through consistently—consistency is the single most important factor.
Notable quotes from the episode
- “Put it down. Stomp it.”
- “You’re not helping him; you’re hurting him by bubble wrapping him.”
- “If you send him to his father’s house, that’s you ducking out.”
- “Confess to him today… I have been so soft.”
- “This isn’t this kid’s fault. The problem is you.”
This summary focuses on the behavioral and practical steps the hosts recommend: stop rescuing, be honest, set and enforce boundaries, and coach your child through natural consequences so they can learn financial responsibility.