Overview of Did I Make A Mistake Financially Helping My Daughter? (Ramsey Network)
This episode features callers asking Dave Ramsey and the team about a common family-money dilemma: parents co-signed and have been covering a daughter’s mortgage after her divorce, and now worry they’re enabling an unsustainable situation. The hosts walk through the financial, emotional, and practical consequences and give clear rules for how to help without creating a permanent burden.
Situation summary (facts from the call)
- Daughter divorced ~1 year ago; she kept the house and the mortgage.
- Parents co-signed on the refinance so she could qualify.
- Mortgage payment: ~$1,700/month.
- Daughter is a paraprofessional, attending school to become a teacher, working part-time now; expected teacher salary in the future ~ $50k+.
- Parents have been covering varying portions of payments (sometimes full), especially when daughter can’t pay.
- Father is retired, mother still working. Parents estimate net worth ~ $500k.
- Daughter spends a lot of time at another man’s cabin; children (ages 13 and 10) split time between locations.
- Father uses the house recreationally (skiing) and has some emotional/recreational attachment to the property.
Key takeaways
- Co-signing created ongoing liability and opened the door to indefinite financial support.
- Current arrangement is likely unsustainable for the parents.
- Helping should be temporary, intentional, and conditional — not open-ended.
- Selling the house and moving the daughter into a lower-cost, more sustainable arrangement (renting or cheaper home) is the recommended solution.
- Emotional attachment and recreational use by a parent complicate judgment and can bias decisions.
Advice given on the show
- Have a frank, firm conversation with your daughter: parents can’t and won’t continue covering the mortgage indefinitely.
- Sell the house to remove the mortgage liability and free everyone to move forward financially.
- If necessary, guide her to rent temporarily until she finishes school and secures a teaching salary.
- If the property is truly an investment the parents want, the daughter can sell to them — but parents should only buy if they want ownership responsibilities and risks.
- Set clear boundaries if help continues: define time limits, amounts, and conditions (not open-ended).
- Emphasize that propping someone up long-term hurts their financial independence — be a safety net, not a hammock.
Action steps / Recommendations (practical checklist)
- Schedule a calm, honest family meeting to establish a timeline and expectations.
- Stop open-ended payments; define a short-term assistance window (e.g., 3–6 months) with a clear end date.
- List the house for sale as the primary plan to remove liability.
- If parents are open to buying: get clear in writing whether they will take equity or be reimbursed for payments made.
- Explore alternatives with lender/loan servicer:
- Options to remove cosigner (refinance in daughter’s name later),
- Loan modification, short sale, or assumption details.
- Help daughter plan next steps: rent locally, save for a modest down payment, complete school and obtain teaching job.
- Get agreements documented in writing (who pays what, timeline, buyout terms).
- Consider legal/financial advice regarding cosigner liability and tax/estate implications.
Financial considerations to highlight
- $1,700/month mortgage is the concrete monthly drain — multiply by months to see total exposure.
- Parents’ net worth (~$500k) does not mean they should shoulder ongoing mortgage payments; retirement income and liquidity matter.
- Co-signing keeps parents legally responsible; this affects their credit and estate.
- Selling now likely returns equity to the daughter unless other terms are negotiated.
Emotional and family dynamics
- The house may carry trauma from the divorce; selling can be emotionally healthy.
- Children’s stability depends more on parental presence than the physical house; moving/temporary renting is not necessarily harmful.
- Parents should check for self-serving rationalizations (e.g., enjoying the property for recreation) before deciding.
Notable quotes from the show
- “If you want it so bad, she can sell it to you. And it can be yours to deal with.”
- “If you’re going to help, it should be: temporary, intentional, conditional.”
- “You want this to be a safety net, not a hammock.”
Short suggested script for the conversation
- “We love you and want to help, but covering this mortgage indefinitely is not something we can do. We will continue help for X months, and during that time we need you to list the house and move to a stable, affordable option. If we find a buyer, here’s how the proceeds will be handled…”
- Put timelines and reimbursement expectations in writing.
Bottom line
The hosts’ recommendation: stop open-ended financial support, sell the house (or otherwise remove the mortgage/liability), set clear, time-limited, and conditional help if you continue assisting, and get formal agreements and professional advice where needed. This protects the parents’ retirement security and encourages the daughter to become financially independent.