Overview of In Control, Or Not: The Moth Radio Hour
This episode of The Moth Radio Hour (hosted by Jennifer Hickson) collects first-person stories about control — wanting it, losing it, fighting for it, and choosing to let it go. The hour features four storytellers whose moments of conflict (with parents, strangers, classrooms, and mobs) pivot to honesty, compassion, transformation, or resolve. Stories were recorded at Moth events in Detroit, Portland, Boston, and a Brooklyn mainstage.
Story summaries
Dame Wilburn — “The Dragon” (Detroit / Music Hall Center)
- Premise: Dame recounts growing up under a domineering mother she calls “the dragon,” and the elaborate cons she runs to hide failures (specifically being 15 credits short of graduating college).
- Arc: Dame stages multiple deceptions (borrowing a form letter, using godparents, faking work plans) to delay telling her mother. When she finally leaves a voicemail admitting she hasn’t graduated, her mother demands an in-person meeting. Instead of the expected tirade, the mother reveals fear and tears — she’d reported Dame missing. Dame, empowered by understanding her own agency, tells her mother what she wants: to finish school. Her mother pays the bill but warns her to leave the school. Dame finishes with a 3.0 GPA and “her own set of leather wings.”
- Core idea: Control sometimes looks like scheming; truth can be the decisive, courageous move.
Todd Kelly — Highway confrontation and the apology that changed him (Portland)
- Premise: Todd, typically level-headed, chases an expensive black BMW after being cut off. He pursues far beyond his exit, finally confronting the driver in a business park.
- Arc: Expecting a fight, Todd instead meets a calm apology: “I am so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” The sincere apology defuses Todd’s fury and becomes a turning point. He quits his dead-end job soon after and redirects his life toward more purposeful work.
- Core idea: An unexpected, genuine apology can dissolve anger and trigger constructive change in the person who’s been pushed too far.
Gabriel Woods Lamanuzi — Teaching mystery goop to second graders (Boston / Story Slam)
- Premise: A self-described control-obsessive plans a meticulously organized lesson on “mystery goop” (cornstarch + water) for a second-grade classroom — but messes up the ratio, cooks the mix, and deals with a dead car battery.
- Arc: Despite chaos (messy goop, missing spoon, late arrival), the kids’ curiosity and joy turn the disaster into a successful, alive lesson. Gabriel discovers that relinquishing rigid control opened him to a new career path: teaching.
- Core idea: Letting go of perfection invites unpredictability, joy, and growth; order can coexist with and benefit from occasional mess.
Namisha Ladwa — A father’s courage in the face of racism (Moth Mainstage, Brooklyn)
- Premise: Growing up in England as the daughter of Indian immigrants, Namisha experiences racism (exclusion by a classmate’s mother; public threats by skinheads).
- Arc: Her father repeatedly models quiet courage: rescuing a wasp instead of killing it, walking confidently through a group of skinheads (one of whom turns out to be their neighbor’s son), then calmly confronting the boy’s father — which leads to reconciliation. Years later in the U.S., Namisha stands between a hostile stranger and her children on a beach, invoking her father's example: “No, not today, not now.”
- Core idea: Moral courage, dignity, and gentleness can be powerful forms of control — protecting family and defusing hatred without escalation.
Key themes & takeaways
- Control is situational: People seek control over others, circumstances, or themselves — sometimes by manipulation, sometimes by truth, sometimes by surrender.
- Truth can be liberating: Dame’s final honest move ends the con and restores agency.
- Apology disarms: Todd’s story shows sincere apology’s power to defuse anger and catalyze personal change.
- Embrace the mess: Gabriel’s goop fiasco demonstrates how unexpected breakdowns can produce engagement, learning, and a new vocation.
- Model courage quietly: Namisha’s father shows that calm, direct action — not performative aggression — can reclaim safety and dignity.
- Parental influence endures: Several stories center on how parents shape responses to control, risk, and identity.
Notable quotes
- Dame Wilburn: “She was the dragon…she would keep her talons sharpened.” / “What do you want to do next? I want to finish.”
- Todd Kelly: “You cut me off.” / Driver: “I am so sorry…It looks like you’re having a rough time.”
- Gabriel Lamanuzi: “I was not in my comfort zones...but I felt alive.”
- Namisha Ladwa (about her father): “I’m your father. My job is to put things where they belong.” / Her later assertion at the beach: “No, not today, not now.”
Practical lessons / Actions to consider
- When stuck, test honesty as a final move — it can resolve complex webs of avoidance.
- Don’t underestimate the power of a sincere apology; offer one or accept one to move forward.
- If you lean on order for stability, practice tolerating small, controlled chaos to foster creativity and resilience.
- Model calm courage for younger people; standing up gently but firmly can protect and teach.
- Reflect on who controls your decisions: are you seeking control for safety, ego, or fear? Choose consciously.
Resources & credits
- Photos and full story downloads: themoth.org (the episode references images and downloads for several storytellers).
- Episode host: Jennifer Hickson. Produced by Atlantic Public Media with contributions from multiple Moth producers and local public radio partners (Detroit, Portland, Boston, Brooklyn).
If you want a single quick takeaway: control comes in many forms — from deception to confession, from anger to apology, from rigid planning to joyful improvisation — and the healthiest responses often involve courage, honesty, and a willingness to let go.