Overview of This Is Why I Find Pema Chödrön So Essential
In this New York Times Opinion conversation, Ezra Klein speaks with Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön about how to live with uncertainty, discomfort, fear, and pain without becoming consumed by them. The core message is not that meditation makes suffering disappear, but that it changes your relationship to what arises in your mind and body. Chödrön argues that growth comes from staying present, softening resistance, and learning to be “okay with not being okay.”
The interview blends personal reflection, practical meditation advice, and Buddhist teaching. Klein describes how Chödrön’s work helped him move from trying to eliminate discomfort to learning how to abide with it, which in turn made him more able to act in his life and work.
Core Ideas and Takeaways
Discomfort is inevitable
Chödrön’s central point is that uncertainty, fear, pain, and loss are not problems to be solved once and for all. They are part of being human.
- The goal is not to avoid discomfort.
- The goal is to relate differently to it.
- Growth comes from learning to stay present with what you feel.
Pain vs. suffering
A major distinction in the conversation is between:
- Pain: the direct experience of physical or emotional hurt
- Suffering: the extra mental storyline layered on top of pain
That storyline often sounds like:
- “This will never get better.”
- “I can’t handle this.”
- “Something is wrong with me.”
Chödrön calls that added layer unnecessary suffering.
Non-resistance is the practice
Her teaching repeatedly returns to a simple method:
- pause
- notice what you feel in the body
- stop feeding the mental storyline
- soften around the experience instead of fighting it
She uses phrases like:
- “agree with what’s happening”
- “befriend the feeling”
- “lean into the sharp points”
- “collaborate with reality”
Practical Meditation Advice from the Interview
Work with the body first
Chödrön emphasizes that difficult emotions are often felt physically first.
Common places include:
- solar plexus
- chest
- throat
- stomach
Instead of analyzing immediately, she recommends:
- noticing the contraction
- putting a hand on the area
- touching the heart or stomach
- approaching the sensation with warmth and friendliness
Let the storyline go
A key meditation skill is noticing when the mind starts replaying a grievance or fear loop.
The move is:
- notice the storyline
- don’t keep following it
- return to breath, sensation, or present awareness
This is less about suppression and more about interrupting escalation.
“Cool boredom” is a sign of progress
Chödrön reframes boredom as useful.
- “Hot boredom” = restlessness, urge to escape
- “Cool boredom” = staying with the experience without reacting
Her point: boredom is often the ego wanting stimulation. Learning to tolerate it builds freedom.
Important Distinctions She Makes
Comfort is not the enemy
Chödrön is not anti-comfort. She says people need rest, soothing, and a “comfort zone” at times.
But:
- growth happens at the edge of discomfort
- too much comfort can shrink your world
- too much resistance to discomfort creates suffering
Acceptance is not passivity
The interview also carefully distinguishes between:
- accepting what is happening internally
- passively accepting harmful external situations
She is explicit that meditation should not be used to stay in abuse. In cases of abuse, her advice is to leave and create distance.
Mindfulness should support action, not block it
Klein raises a key concern: can non-resistance become an excuse not to act?
Chödrön’s answer:
- if you’re overwhelmed by emotion, you’re less effective
- you need some calm and spaciousness to act wisely
- the practice is to pause, settle, and then respond
This applies to:
- political action
- difficult conversations
- personal boundaries
- life decisions you’ve been avoiding out of fear
Meditation, Nowness, and Long-Term Change
Meditation is about knowing yourself more clearly
For Chödrön, meditation is not a vacation from irritation. It’s a way to get intimate with your own mind.
It helps you:
- see habits clearly
- notice reactive patterns
- recognize your capacity to wake up from confusion
“Nowness” matters
She describes practice as being in relationship with nowness:
- being present rather than mentally elsewhere
- seeing the bigger picture
- not being endlessly pulled by habit and distraction
Klein connects this to modern life, where phones and devices constantly train us to flee the present moment.
Change is gradual
The interview emphasizes that this is not an instant fix.
Over time, practice can:
- weaken habitual mental grooves
- reduce compulsive worry
- increase tolerance for uncertainty
- create more space for wise action
Final Recommendations from Pema Chödrön
At the end, Chödrön recommends three books:
- Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior — Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
- Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind — Shunryu Suzuki
- The Enlightened Vagabond — Matthew Ricard
Bottom Line
Pema Chödrön’s essential teaching in this conversation is that freedom does not come from eliminating discomfort. It comes from staying with experience without resisting it, learning to feel what is here, and acting from a place of greater clarity rather than fear. The result is not permanent bliss, but something more durable: contentment, resilience, and a more honest relationship to life.