Overview of They Have Been Misled | The Road Trip That Put Stoicism To The Test
This episode blends a Stoic reflection on justice and compassion with a personal travel diary from Ryan Holiday’s West Coast family road trip. The opening lesson is that many people who support harmful ideas or systems are not always evil in the pure sense—they may simply be misinformed, conditioned by the institutions and people around them. From there, Ryan recounts a family trip full of practical setbacks, meaningful coincidences, and moments that reinforced core Stoic ideas like memento mori, premeditatio malorum, and staying regulated under pressure.
The Main Stoic Lesson: People Are Often Misled
Why people defend bad ideas
- Ryan argues that people who condone injustice are often acting from conditioning, not pure malice.
- He uses Mark Twain’s reflection on his mother and slavery as an example of someone raised to see a horrific system as normal and righteous.
- The point: when everyone around you reinforces a false belief, it can be genuinely hard to see the truth.
What to do instead of arguing
- Don’t write people off as irredeemable.
- Ask questions, listen, and try to understand what they’ve been taught.
- If you want people to change, help them see the truth for themselves rather than trying to win a fight.
Stoicism on the Road: The Family Trip Story
A trip that tested calm and flexibility
Ryan walks through a West Coast road trip with his wife and kids, using it as a live exercise in Stoic discipline:
- Seattle/Bremerton: his son accidentally leaves a backpack on the bus; the family stays calm and solves the problem first.
- Cannon Beach: the rental car suddenly appears nearly out of gas, which becomes another “fix it without panicking” moment.
- His approach throughout the trip was to regulate himself early—especially by getting up before the family to run—so he could stay patient and present later in the day.
The value of “solve the problem first”
A recurring family rule on the trip was:
- Don’t blame.
- Don’t panic.
- Identify what actually happened.
- Focus on the next practical step.
Ryan presents this as a practical Stoic habit, not just a parenting tactic.
Meaningful Moments and Stoic Reflections
The Turner Joy coincidence
- In Bremerton, Ryan unexpectedly saw the USS Turner Joy, the ship tied to the Gulf of Tonkin incident and the Vietnam-era history he was researching for a book on Stockdale.
- He describes this as one of those fortunate moments where travel and research intersect perfectly.
Memento mori at the cemetery
- In Bremerton Cemetery, Ryan reflects on death as the great equalizer and great clarifier.
- His point: everyone ends up the same way, regardless of ambition, ego, or status.
- He frames memento mori not as morbid thinking, but as a way to see life clearly and act better now.
Redwoods and humility
- The Redwood forest becomes a major emotional highlight.
- Standing beneath trees that are centuries old, Ryan connects the experience to Marcus Aurelius’ reminder that entire ages and empires pass away, and that human fame is fleeting.
- The trees make time feel larger, and human concerns feel smaller.
Creative Work, Discipline, and Routine
A conversation with Mike from MXPX
Ryan spends time with Mike from MXPX and discusses writing, songwriting, and creative routine:
- Writing books requires long, uninterrupted stretches and a controlled environment.
- Songwriting can be more immediate and inspiration-driven, but still benefits from routine.
- The deeper lesson: creative work often needs a “tomb” or protected space where the artist can focus without interruption.
Discipline as a practice
- Ryan emphasizes showing up daily in small increments.
- Big projects are built through consistency, not bursts of brilliance.
- This mirrors his broader Stoic view: discipline is about doing the work even when it’s inconvenient.
Talks, Family, and Public Life
Portland and San Francisco
- Ryan did live talks in Portland and San Francisco during the trip.
- In Portland, his kids helped with audience mics, which made the event especially memorable.
- In San Francisco, the trip became even more personal when family, friends, and even the CEO of the hospital where he was born came to the talk.
Justice and responsibility
In San Francisco, Ryan used a political example to make a Stoic point about justice:
- He criticized the mismatch between innovation and unethical behavior in public life.
- His broader concern was moral complacency—society tolerating harmful actions because they come from powerful people.
- He frames this as a true danger to civilization: not just bad ideas, but our willingness to excuse them.
Family, Legacy, and Closing Reflections
Sacramento and personal history
- The family visits Ryan’s grandmother, now 97.
- They also visit his grandfather’s grave, which Ryan says is emotional because his grandfather was one of the first people to believe in his writing.
- He also visits the house where Joan Didion grew up, and notes how meaningful it is to encounter places he’s read about and can now connect to personally.
Final takeaway
Ryan closes by saying the trip went well because they handled the inevitable problems in a way that made everyone want to do it again. His goal for family travel is the same as his goal for Stoic practice:
- expect things to go wrong,
- stay calm,
- solve problems,
- and leave room for another good trip later.
Key Takeaways
- Many harmful beliefs are inherited, not consciously chosen.
- Compassion works better than condemnation when trying to change minds.
- Stoicism is practical: regulate first, react second.
- Travel, parenting, and creative work all test the same muscles: patience, discipline, and adaptability.
- Remembering death helps clarify what matters now.
- A successful trip isn’t one with no problems; it’s one that strengthens the family and makes everyone want to do it again.