Overview of You Are Responsible For How They Make You Feel | Watch Over Your Perceptions
This Daily Stoic episode (host Ryan Holiday / Daily Stoic) explains a core Stoic idea: other people cannot make you feel something unless you allow it — emotions are your responsibility. The host ties together Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius to show practical ways to “watch over your perceptions,” pause before reacting, and cultivate inner peace while remaining engaged in the world.
Key points / main takeaways
- Emotions are your responsibility: nobody can truly offend or anger you without your consent (Epictetus’ “taking of offense” / “second arrow” idea).
- Pause and reflect before reacting: examine the feeling, ask whether you trust it, and decide whether to accept the injury or let it go.
- Keep guard over your perceptions: our minds are constantly bombarded with impressions; disciplined selection of what to admit protects peace, freedom, and steadiness.
- Find peace while engaged: Stoicism asks you to be active and involved in life, yet still maintain inner calm — not by withdrawing, but by mastering attention and caring about the right things.
- Discernment matters: the goal isn’t apathy but choosing what to care about (a Stoic version of “the subtle art of not giving a f*ck”).
Notable quotes and references
- “No one can make us frustrated. No one can offend us either… not without us being complicit in the taking of offense.” — paraphrase of Epictetus.
- Epictetus: “Keep constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting, but your respect, trustworthiness, and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear.”
- Seneca (Moral Letters 28): the wise person endures turbulence but does not choose it — choose peace rather than war.
- Marcus Aurelius metaphor: be the rock over which waves crash, and yet become still.
Practical exercises and tools mentioned
- Pause & Reflect: when provoked, take a moment to assess the impulse to react — ask “Is this feeling true? Do I want to consent to it?”
- Mirror test (Seneca): look at your expression to see how the emotion looks on you before acting.
- Count before speaking: the Stoics’ advice to count letters/seconds before reacting to help temper the temper — the episode references the “Daily Stoic Pause and Reflect Medallion” used as a physical reminder.
- Guard impressions: actively choose what inputs (news, social media, conversations) you allow to shape your mind; practice filtering and focusing attention.
Actionable recommendations (to apply this episode)
- Next time you feel provoked, take three breaths, name the feeling, and ask whether it’s true or useful.
- Practice a daily “perception check”: for 1–2 minutes each morning, identify one thing you will refuse to let disturb you that day.
- Limit exposure to relentless provocations (news/social feeds) and set rules for when and how you consume them.
- Use a physical cue (a coin, medallion, or phone lock screen) to remind you to pause before reacting.
- Regularly review what you care about — prune obligations and opinions that don’t align with your priorities.
Topics discussed
- Stoic virtues and emotional responsibility (courage, discipline, justice, wisdom as background).
- The “second arrow” concept and personal accountability for feelings.
- Practical Stoic tactics for managing anger and offense.
- The tension between engagement and tranquility (senatorial/city life vs. retreat).
- Attention, focus, and guarding perceptions in a modern world of constant impressions.
Sponsors / mentions (brief)
- Daily Stoic Pause and Reflect Medallion (physical reminder to pause).
- Human (cardiovascular supplement) and Monarch (personal finance app) were promoted in the episode.
- Arizona State University online programs were also mentioned.
Bottom line
You cannot control every external act or insult, but you can control whether you accept the emotional harm. By pausing, examining perceptions, and choosing what to admit into your mind, you protect your peace, steadiness, and freedom while remaining fully engaged in life.