Overview of Be Strict with Yourself, Tolerant with Others | Ask Daily Stoic
This episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast (hosted by Ryan Holiday) centers on the Stoic maxim — “be tolerant with others and strict with yourself” — and explains how Stoic virtues translate into everyday behavior. Through anecdotes, historical examples, and practical guidance, Holiday argues that Stoicism is a practical guide to living well: virtues are actions to be practiced, wisdom is earned, and the individual should focus on self-discipline while accepting what’s outside their control.
Key themes and main takeaways
- Core Stoic instruction: tolerate other people’s faults (they’re outside your control) and hold yourself to high standards (your behavior is in your control).
- Stoic virtues are actionable habits, not abstract labels — you build them by practicing them.
- Wisdom is not automatic with age; it requires deliberate effort and perspective gained from experience.
- Look to historical role models (e.g., Cato, Cincinnatus, Washington) and contemporary examples (e.g., James Mattis) for standards of honor, restraint, and duty.
- In modern society, with weaker public exemplars, individuals must intentionally adopt models and rules to guide behavior.
Stoic virtues explained
- Courage — facing difficulty and doing what must be done.
- Temperance/self-discipline — restraint, moderation, self-mastery.
- Justice — decency toward others, kindness, and fairness.
- Wisdom — the ability to judge what’s important and act rightly; described as a verb (an activity you cultivate).
Note: The Stoics viewed these four as distinct but inseparable — each informs and supports the others.
Practical examples & anecdotes
- Personal: Holiday’s family routines (taking kids to school, grocery runs at Whole Foods, travel for talks) illustrate everyday discipline and priorities.
- Historical models: Founding-era Americans drew on Stoic examples (Cato, Cincinnatus) to inform civic virtue; Washington modeled republican restraint (resigning power).
- Contemporary model: Gen. James Mattis cited as a modern embodiment of Stoic discipline — private restraint, public duty, principled resignation.
- Richard Overton (112-year-old veteran): a personal encounter used to illustrate perspective that comes with long-lived experience — and the idea that longevity alone doesn’t guarantee wisdom.
Notable quotes & insights
- “Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” — Marcus Aurelius (central guiding maxim of the episode)
- “The virtues are verbs.” — (Aristotelian/Stoic idea emphasized by Holiday: virtues are actions/habits)
- “Without a ruler, you can't make crooked straight.” — Seneca (used to explain the role of role models or exemplars)
Actionable recommendations (how to apply it)
- Focus on what’s in your control: your actions, responses, and rules you set for yourself.
- Make virtues practices: deliberately perform small acts of courage, temperance, justice, and wisdom until they become habits.
- Choose role models and measure yourself against them — historical or contemporary exemplars who embody the virtues you want to practice.
- Create and follow a personal code of conduct (“know your flat-ass rules”): define non-negotiables and stick to them.
- When encountering others’ bad behavior, accept it as outside your control unless it requires just intervention — conserve energy for self-improvement.
Topics discussed
- Practical Stoicism vs. academic philosophy
- Stoic virtues: definitions and interplay
- Raising and guiding young people with classical virtues
- Role of historical exemplars in moral education
- Wisdom as work (book: Wisdom Takes Work)
- The gap between institutional leadership and individual responsibility
Episode context & extras
- Host: Ryan Holiday. Recorded material includes a Q&A appearance at the 92nd Street Y with interviewer Stephanie Ruhle.
- Holiday mentions speaking events (San Diego and Phoenix upcoming) and personal anecdotes from travel and family life.
- Sponsors noted in the episode: Whole Foods Market (wellness products and 365 brand) and Fundrise (venture investing product) — these are ad reads and separate from the Stoic content.
Quick summary
Stoicism is a practical discipline: be merciful toward others’ choices and rigorous about your own. Treat virtues as actions to be practiced, choose exemplars to guide your behavior, and deliberately work toward wisdom rather than assuming it comes with age.