The Smashmouth Giants, Bumbling Chargers, Stumbling Packers, Week 1 Overreactions, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Summary of The Smashmouth Giants, Bumbling Chargers, Stumbling Packers, Week 1 Overreactions, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

by The Ringer

1h 45m•September 14, 2026
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Overview of The Smashmouth Giants, Bumbling Chargers, Stumbling Packers, Week 1 Overreactions, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal spend most of the episode reacting to a chaotic NFL Week 1 slate, with particular focus on the Giants’ physical upset of the Cowboys, the Packers’ collapse against the Vikings, the Chargers’ ugly loss, and Josh Allen’s classic Bills performance. The conversation blends game analysis, overreaction theater, fantasy fallout, betting regret, and the usual side quests: sports scheduling complaints, a Mariners rant, and a long Parent Corner.

Biggest NFL Takeaways from Week 1

Giants shock the Cowboys

  • The Giants looked like a real football team in their win over Dallas.
  • Sal and Bill both praised New York’s physicality, preparation, and smart use of rookie runners.
  • Dallas got crushed by:
    • poor run defense
    • blown coverages
    • bad penalties
    • no second-half adjustments
  • The Cowboys’ defense was especially embarrassing given how highly they were touted entering the year.

Packers’ collapse vs. Vikings

  • Green Bay blew a 22-10 lead and never scored again, losing in one of the strangest finishes of the day.
  • The Packers’ issues:
    • shaky offensive line
    • poor pass rush
    • special teams mistakes
    • blown coverages
    • questionable coaching decisions by Matt LaFleur
  • Sal argued the Vikings may actually be better than expected, especially if Carson Wentz is just competent enough to keep them afloat.

Chargers look broken early

  • The Chargers’ loss to the Cardinals was another week-one alarm bell.
  • Bill and Sal thought Justin Herbert looked awful, protection collapsed, and the coaching was terrible.
  • The Cardinals were credited for being organized, physical, and more competitive than expected.

Bills, Texans, and Josh Allen

  • Josh Allen delivered a trademark superhero game.
  • The Texans’ defense, which had been billed as elite, looked disappointing.
  • Key point: Houston had plenty of yards and possession, but Allen’s late-game magic still flipped the outcome.
  • Sal and Bill both came away less convinced by the Texans’ defense than they were before kickoff.

Bengals vs. Buccaneers

  • Cincinnati won, but both hosts were skeptical of the process.
  • Tampa Bay’s turnovers and sloppy Baker Mayfield moments made the loss feel self-inflicted.
  • The Bengals got some defensive hype, but the jury is still out on whether their defense is truly improved.

Ravens steamroll the Colts

  • Lamar Jackson looked back to full force.
  • Derrick Henry dominated like a guy who has not aged normally.
  • Daniel Jones looked limited and uncomfortable, which reinforced concerns that he is still recovering physically.
  • Baltimore was one of the biggest “this team is for real” signals of the day.

Lions survive the Saints

  • Detroit won, but only after a wild comeback-and-counterpunch sequence.
  • Dan Campbell got both mocked and praised in the same breath, depending on whether the hosts were reacting to the collapse or the overtime finish.
  • Jahmyr Gibbs’ workload was flagged as a concern after a huge touch count.

Steelers-Falcons was ugly

  • Both hosts agreed it was one of the most miserable games of the day.
  • Aaron Rodgers and the Steelers offense looked punchless.
  • The game devolved into ugly, low-efficiency football and more concern than optimism.

League-Wide Themes and Week 1 Overreactions

Offenses may be ahead of defenses

  • Mike Tomlin’s halftime comments were highlighted as the best on-air insight of the day:
    • no-contact camps and soft August practice make defenses slower to catch up
  • Bill and Sal said the day featured a ton of busted coverages, missed fits, and “how was that guy that open?” moments.

Refs and rules were a mess

  • They complained about the Jared Goff backward-pass ruling, comparing it to an overused, impossible-to-explain type of officiating logic.
  • A few calls and non-calls had them yelling at the TV all day.

Fantasy football whiplash

  • The hosts kept circling back to how fantasy amplified the emotional swings of the day:
    • zeroes from expected contributors
    • late touchdowns saving/ruining weeks
    • injuries changing projections instantly
  • Josh Allen’s fantasy performance was celebrated; several other stars were not.

Most Regrettable Futures Already Looking Bad

Bill and Sal revisited their preseason futures draft and quickly identified several bets that now look shaky or dead:

  • Brock Bowers 1,000+ receiving yards
    • Already complicated by his meniscus issue.
  • A.J. Brown 10+ touchdowns
    • Big problem with him expected to miss time.
  • Myles Garrett Defensive Player of the Year
    • Injury news immediately made the bet look shaky.
  • Cowboys over 10.5 wins
    • Dallas’ week one performance did not inspire confidence.
  • Herbert 4,500+ passing yards / Herbert MVP-type bets
    • The Chargers’ offensive line and Herbert’s play were both alarming.
  • Stafford for most passing yards
    • The Rams’ offense looked fragile enough to spook that ticket.
  • Washington/Atlanta under 8.5 wins
    • Still looked fine to Bill, but the broader point was that several “easy” under/future bets already feel much less safe than they did last week.

Guess the Lines / Week 2 Lookahead

Sal and Bill moved through the Week 2 board and teased which matchups looked most interesting for bettors and overreaction watchers:

Biggest games discussed

  • Bills at Lions
    • Buffalo’s Thursday turnaround and Detroit’s short-week situation made this one stand out.
  • Texans vs. Bengals
    • One of the marquee Sunday games, with both teams carrying week-one baggage.
  • Broncos vs. Jaguars
    • Hard to know what to do with Jacksonville after the Cleveland game.
  • Bears vs. Vikings
    • Chicago’s offense looked explosive enough to force a bigger number.
  • Patriots vs. Steelers
    • Sal and Bill both thought Pittsburgh’s offense looked vulnerable.
  • Bucs vs. Browns
    • A game with teaser appeal because both teams are volatile.
  • Packers vs. Jets
    • Bill was especially surprised by how high the Packers were being treated after their collapse.
  • Chargers vs. Raiders
    • Another “how much do we trust this team?” spot.
  • 49ers vs. Dolphins
    • Bill basically treated Miami as a team that should be an underdog to everyone.
  • Rams vs. Giants
    • The Giants’ strong opener complicated what had already looked like a tricky line.

Theme of the lines segment

  • Several spreads were higher or lower than Bill expected, which led to a running debate over whether he or Sal had lost a step in line-reading.
  • Sal ended up winning the overall guess-the-lines battle for the week.

Non-NFL Rants and Detours

Mariners frustration

  • Bill went on a long rant about the Mariners ruining his fantasy-baseball hopes and being one of the most unlikable teams in baseball.
  • He blamed key pitchers and hitters for repeated collapses and said the team has brought him “anti-joy” all year.

Sports scheduling complaints

  • Bill argued that sports calendars are badly organized:
    • the U.S. Open men’s final overlapping with NFL Sunday
    • the WNBA season pausing for an international tournament in the middle of its own momentum
  • He joked that he should be the “sports czar” just to fix scheduling.

Parent Corner

Archie’s new college house

  • Bill’s wife is stressed about Archie’s new off-campus house:
    • next to an auto body shop
    • near a dispensary
    • with a neighborhood “tweaker” who allegedly wanders around, steals DoorDash items, and hangs wires in trees to ward off evil spirits
  • Bill’s view: this is just part of college life and character-building, as long as nobody gets murdered.

The family dog debate

  • The Simmons household is also in a recurring argument about getting another dog.
  • The dilemma:
    • rescue dog vs. breeder
    • puppy vs. older dog
    • whether they can handle another “Murph”
  • Bill thinks they’ll eventually get another dog anyway, but the conversation is stuck in the “we’re not getting one” phase for now.

Notable Bits and Running Jokes

  • “Groundhog” as a nickname for Deshaun Watson, after his early interception came out like a ritualized bad omen.
  • “Battery ram football” for the Giants’ physical style.
  • Sal joking that certain teams are just “Savannah banana football” versions of themselves when they play loose and chaotic.
  • The hosts repeatedly returned to the idea that Week 1 is not just about results, but about body language, urgency, and whether teams looked prepared.