Texas Toast, Fantasy Murderers, Drake Maybe Back, Guess the Lines and MLB Playoffs With Cousin Sal

Summary of Texas Toast, Fantasy Murderers, Drake Maybe Back, Guess the Lines and MLB Playoffs With Cousin Sal

by The Ringer

2h 3m•October 5, 2026
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Overview of Texas Toast, Fantasy Murderers, Drake Maybe Back, Guess the Lines and MLB Playoffs With Cousin Sal

Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal spent most of the episode reacting to a chaotic Week 4 NFL slate, with a big chunk devoted to the Patriots’ upset of the Bills, the Chargers looking broken, the Vikings somehow starting 4-0, and the AFC/NFC playoff race beginning to take shape. They also crossed off another team in the “cross-off” game, built a rough “fantasy murderers” lineup of players who are tanking fantasy teams, ran through Week 5 lines, and finished with a lengthy baseball playoff rant and a classic Parent Corner update from Sal’s kidney stone saga.

NFL Week 4: Biggest Takeaways

Drake Maye and the Patriots may be back

  • New England’s win over Buffalo felt like a turning point.
  • Simmons thought Mike Vrabel’s energy on the sideline was a huge part of it.
  • The Patriots played aggressive football late, and Drake Maye looked more like his 2024 self.
  • The main theory: the issue with Maye was more about confidence/headspace than his shoulder.

The Chargers are in rough shape

  • Herbert looked miserable and beat up in the loss to Seattle.
  • The line was bad, the sideline looked disconnected, and Harbaugh seemed oddly spaced out.
  • Simmons and Sal both thought the team looked “broken,” and Eduardo’s plea helped push them toward crossing off the Chargers.

Vikings, 4-0, but still deeply suspicious

  • They keep winning, but the offense looks awful.
  • Simmons called them potentially the worst 4-0 team he’s seen.
  • They both think Minnesota could be a classic team to bet against in the playoffs.

The Texans are 0-4 despite talent

  • Houston keeps finding ways to lose close games.
  • C.J. Stroud played well, but the defense and game management continue to be an issue.
  • Simmons compared the late-game collapse to a bullpen reliever blowing a great start.

Cowboys offense looks elite

  • Dak Prescott and CeeDee Lamb were dominant in the win over Houston.
  • Lamb’s big game reinforced the idea that Dallas may have the best offense in the league right now.
  • The concern remains the defense and sloppy coaching decisions.

Eagles got exposed by the Rams

  • The Eagles’ offense was nearly nonexistent for long stretches.
  • Hurts had a brutal passing day, and the team still hasn’t looked convincing.
  • Simmons was amused by how often the Eagles seem to get every break and still end up struggling.

Chiefs, Jags, and Niners all look dangerous

  • Kansas City survived the Raiders, but it wasn’t a “juggernaut” performance.
  • Jacksonville impressed Simmons a lot; he thinks they may be the most trustworthy AFC team right now.
  • San Francisco is 4-0 despite constant injuries, and both hosts continue to treat them as one of the best teams in the NFC.

The AFC hierarchy is still unsettled

  • The Chiefs are still the safest bet, but not overwhelming.
  • The Bills are not running away with anything.
  • The Jaguars are starting to look like a legitimate contender.
  • Denver, Pittsburgh, and New England were all discussed as teams in the mix, but not dominant.

Cross-Off Game Update

The third cross-off team

  • They debated Arizona for a while, but ultimately settled on the Chargers as the next team to cross off.
  • That puts them alongside the Titans and the Dolphins.
  • Simmons kept saying the Chargers don’t just look bad — they look structurally broken.

Teams they still hesitate to cross off

  • The Cardinals came up as a possible candidate because their path to the playoffs looks shaky.
  • But because they’re still in a crowded NFC race, they were left alive for now.

Fantasy Murderers All-Stars

They joked about players who are killing fantasy teams through injury, inconsistency, or empty production. The rough list included:

  • QB: Justin Herbert
  • RB: Saquon Barkley
  • WRs: Emeka Egbuka, Justin Jefferson, Marvin Harrison Jr.
  • TE: Colston Loveland
  • Defense: Texans D

Main theme: a lot of big-name players are underperforming or getting hurt at exactly the wrong time.

Guess the Lines and Week 5 Look-Ahead

Notable Week 5 games they discussed

  • Patriots-Raiders: Simmons liked New England’s momentum, but Sal warned about Las Vegas’ pass rush and Brock Bowers.
  • Bears-Packers: Both liked Chicago’s coaching edge and think Caleb Williams changes the matchup.
  • Lions-Cardinals: They leaned Arizona as live, especially if Detroit’s defense keeps giving up easy yards.
  • Vikings-Saints: They expect Minnesota to be favored, but neither trusts the Vikings offense.
  • Broncos-Chargers: Both thought this could get ugly for L.A., especially with Denver fans traveling well.
  • Texans-Titans: A messy, not-trustworthy game despite Houston needing a win badly.
  • Bengals-Dolphins: They both expected a Burrow-style stat game, but neither fully trusts Cincinnati.
  • Jaguars-Eagles: They liked Jacksonville at home and thought Philly’s offensive issues make the Jags dangerous.
  • Ravens-Falcons: Atlanta’s chance to prove it isn’t fake, but both were skeptical.
  • Rams-49ers: One of the marquee games; both still view the Rams as one of the best bets in the NFC.

Best betting/preview angle

  • The hosts repeatedly returned to the idea that the NFC is crowded but the NFC West may be the best division top to bottom.
  • They think injuries could be the biggest factor in deciding who actually stays alive.

MLB Playoffs: Too Many Pitchers, Too Little Fun

Their big baseball complaint

  • Simmons and Sal both think postseason baseball has become overmanaged.
  • They hate the constant bullpen shuffling and the way starters are pulled too early.
  • Their point: playoff baseball used to be about ace starters taking over games; now it’s a stream of relievers and “matchup” moves.

The guardrail/home run discussion

  • They ripped the strange roof/guardrail situation that affected a Brewers/Rays-style play.
  • Simmons argued there should be better tech to determine whether a ball would have been a home run anyway.
  • The overall tone: playoff baseball is still compelling, but the execution is getting weird.

World Series thought

  • Simmons floated Brewers over Rays as a fun value-style prediction.
  • He likes Milwaukee’s overall balance and Tampa’s ability to win tight games.

Parent Corner / Personal Updates

Sal’s kidney stone update

  • Sal said the stone is being treated with a machine that blasts it through the abdomen first.
  • If that doesn’t work, they’ll go in a more direct route later.
  • He admitted he’s heavily medicated and basically operating at full chaos mode.

Brooklyn trip highlights

  • He spent time with family around cousin Jimmy’s Brooklyn shows.
  • He met Mets owner Steve Cohen, then had to abruptly exit because the pain hit.
  • Babydoll showed up in a major way, including a legendary old video appearance from the 1989 William Morris Christmas party.
  • Sal also mentioned a bunch of pizza boxes, loud family energy, and a generally surreal few days.

Food quirks at home

  • His daughter pre-plans restaurant orders by checking menus in advance.
  • They also discussed her love of pickles, which led to a side conversation about pregnancy cravings and whether those preferences get passed down to kids.

Final Notes

  • Simmons and Sal were especially high on Drake Maye’s rebound and the Patriots’ overall energy.
  • They think the Chargers are the clearest cross-off candidate right now.
  • The episode’s big football theme: the league feels wide open, but a few teams already look a step ahead — especially the Jaguars, Rams, 49ers, and Chiefs.