Overview of A Shocking Lakers Sale. Plus, the 20 Best and Worst Youth Sports for Parents With Cousin Sal.
This episode is split between two big Bill Simmons staples: a long, highly speculative reaction to the shocking Lakers sale and what it means for the NBA’s future, followed by a fun, opinionated debate with Cousin Sal about the best and worst youth sports for parents. The Lakers segment is really about franchise values, rich-guy money, private equity, and whether pro teams are becoming pure assets. The second half is a parent-centric ranking of youth sports from worst to best, based on cost, schedule chaos, injury risk, parent culture, and how fun they are to watch.
The Lakers Sale: Bill’s Big Takeaways
Bill treats the Lakers sale as one of the most surprising franchise moves in NBA history and uses it to zoom out on the modern sports-ownership landscape.
Main points from the Lakers discussion
- He says the sale came with almost no warning and fits into a larger trend of mega-rich buyers treating elite sports teams like trophy assets.
- He worries that the league is increasingly driven by franchise valuation rather than competition, tradition, or fan experience.
- He connects the Lakers sale to:
- the Dodgers/Lakers “super-franchise” idea
- private equity and ultra-wealthy money chasing iconic teams
- the NBA’s CBA, second apron, and owner incentives
- future expansion and the league’s appetite for giant fees
- He sees this as another sign that elite sports ownership is becoming more like hedge-fund investing than old-school fandom.
Broader concerns he raises
- Franchise bubble risk: Bill thinks valuations may be getting absurdly high, especially for the Lakers, Celtics, Knicks, Bulls, and other marquee teams.
- Owner behavior: He worries the richest buyers may care more about assets than team-building.
- League priorities: He is critical of how revenue, media deals, and franchise prices can overshadow basketball quality.
- WNBA side note: He also briefly criticizes how the WNBA has been handled—especially expansion, media distribution, and the nonstop discourse around the league.
Speculation and ripple effects
- He tosses out conspiracy theories and possible reasons for the sale, including financial pressure, health issues, and broader money/insurance/DOJ complications.
- He wonders what this means for:
- the Dodgers/Lakers relationship
- the Sparks
- Rob Pelinka’s future
- whether figures like Chris Paul could become involved in team leadership
Cousin Sal’s Youth Sports Rankings for Parents
Bill and Sal rank youth sports from 20 (worst) to 1 (best) based entirely on the parent experience—not the kids’ experience. Their criteria include:
- how much the sport disrupts your life
- parent culture
- cost
- injury/health risks
- scholarship potential
- entertainment value
- whether adults later regret playing it
The full ranking
- Volleyball
- Soccer
- Lacrosse
- Golf
- Basketball
- Field hockey
- Tennis
- Baseball/softball
- Water polo
- Skiing/snowboarding/surfing
- Football
- Hockey
- Track and field
- Rowing
- Cross country
- Cycling
- Wrestling
- Swimming
- Gymnastics
- Figure skating
Key reasoning behind the rankings
- Worst sports tend to be the most expensive, the most schedule-destroying, or the most physically punishing.
- Best sports tend to be:
- easy to understand
- fun to watch
- safer
- playable for life
- relatively flexible for parents
A few standout arguments
- Figure skating and gymnastics finish at the bottom because of cost, early specialization, body toll, and brutal parent pressure.
- Football and hockey are dragged down by concussion risk, but football gets a boost from Friday-night energy and the no-cut experience.
- Baseball is a love-hate sport for parents: great at times, but also a weekend destroyer with the worst parent commentary.
- Tennis, golf, basketball, and soccer rank highly because they are playable long-term and enjoyable for parents.
- Volleyball takes the top spot because it’s easy to follow, fun to watch, relatively safe, and has a strong long-term upside.
Sal’s Cooperstown Parent Corner
Sal ends with a great youth-baseball story from Cooperstown:
- His son’s team finished 6th out of 102 teams and had a memorable week at Cooperstown.
- The atmosphere was full of Americana, emotion, and the classic youth-sports ritual of pin trading.
- His son became fixated on hitting a home run and getting a Jalen Brunson pin.
- Even after a strong tournament, Sal’s son was devastated not to go deep, which led to classic youth-sports parent pressure.
- The story peaks with Sal melting down over a call in a critical game, only to realize the batter had interfered—an excellent example of how intense parents can get.
Big Takeaways
- The Lakers sale is presented as a landmark example of how elite sports teams are now treated as ultra-premium financial assets.
- Bill is increasingly uneasy about the direction of sports ownership, especially when billionaires and private equity dominate the biggest brands.
- The youth sports ranking is half practical guide, half comedy, but the core idea is clear: the “best” sport for parents is not always the one that is best for the kid.
- For long-term parent sanity, Bill strongly values:
- low injury risk
- manageable scheduling
- reasonable costs
- and sports you can still play as adults