Overview of Emily Post: Etiquette Queen
This episode of Stuff You Should Know explores the life and influence of Emily Post, the woman most associated with American etiquette. Far from being a rigid snob, Post reframed etiquette as a matter of ethics, courtesy, and social inclusion—not just a set of rules for the wealthy. The hosts trace how her background, writing career, and personal setbacks led to the creation of her landmark 1922 book Etiquette, which made her the definitive voice on manners in the United States.
Emily Post’s Early Life and Social World
- Born Emily Price in 1872 into a wealthy family:
- Father: Bruce Price, a prominent architect
- Mother: Josephine Lee Price, heiress to a coal fortune
- Raised in New York society and educated in finishing schools.
- Married Edwin Post, who had old colonial lineage but less money than Emily’s family.
- They had two sons:
- Ned
- Bruce (“Bruce the Deuce” in the episode’s joking shorthand)
The “400” and Tuxedo Park
- The episode explains the divide between:
- Old money / old lineage
- Newly wealthy industrial families
- Emily grew up near this elite social world, including Tuxedo Park, a wealthy enclave north of New York City.
- The show notes that the tuxedo dinner jacket originated from this area.
Her Writing Career Before Etiquette
Before becoming famous for manners, Post was a successful novelist and magazine writer.
- First novel: The Flight of the Moth
- Other novels mentioned:
- Purple and Fine Linen
- Woven in the Tapestry
- The Title Market
- The Eagle’s Feather
- Parade
- Her fiction often focused on society, class, and marriage.
- She also wrote articles on social life, baby expenses, popularity, and Tuxedo Park.
Personal Life and Divorce
- Her marriage to Edwin Post was unhappy.
- He was unfaithful and reportedly once said he had “committed matrimony and was sentenced to life for it.”
- When blackmail over his affairs emerged, he publicly exposed it, humiliating Emily.
- The hosts note that Emily later presented the situation more diplomatically, but biographical evidence suggests Edwin controlled the decision.
- They divorced in 1905.
The Breakthrough: Etiquette (1922)
Emily Post’s defining work came after years of writing and observation.
Why the book was different
Unlike earlier etiquette books, which largely told people how to imitate upper-class behavior, Post’s approach was more democratic and moral.
- She argued that good manners are rooted in ethics
- Anyone could learn to be part of “good society”
- Wealth and birth did not automatically make someone respectable
The book itself
- Full title: Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home
- Later known as The Blue Book of Social Usage
- About 619 pages
- Cost around $75 in today’s money when released
- Became a major bestseller and helped define American etiquette for decades
Her research style
- She was not arrogant or formulaic.
- She gathered information by:
- Asking friends
- Polling ordinary people
- Observing real social behavior
- The hosts emphasize that she treated etiquette as a living social practice, not a frozen set of aristocratic rules.
Core Philosophy: Etiquette as Courtesy and Ethics
The episode repeatedly highlights Emily Post’s central idea:
- Etiquette is about respect for other people
- Manners are not just about forks, invitations, or proper posture
- They are about:
- Consideration
- Kindness
- Humility
- Social responsibility
“Good society”
Post defined “good society” as a group held together by character, not status.
“It is not a fellowship of the wealthy… but an association of gentlefolk…”
The hosts stress that this was revolutionary because it opened social legitimacy to people outside old-money circles.
Examples and Funny Social Vignettes
One of the episode’s highlights is Emily Post’s use of fictionalized examples to make etiquette entertaining.
The disastrous dinner party of Mrs. Newwed
- A dinner party goes spectacularly wrong.
- Emily uses the story to show:
- How hosts can overreach
- Why smaller, more comfortable gatherings are often wiser
- How embarrassment compounds when people try too hard to impress
- The hosts loved this example because it shows Post could be both instructive and funny.
Post’s Views on Class and Change
Emily Post was progressive for her time in several ways:
- She told the upper class to be kinder to newcomers and the less privileged.
- She acknowledged that generations change, and older people should not reflexively condemn younger ones.
- She accepted that etiquette must evolve with society.
Her balance between tradition and flexibility
She supported some traditional norms—especially in weddings, introductions, and formal calls—but she also adapted over time.
Examples discussed:
- Chaperoned dating in early editions, later revised as social norms changed
- Her willingness to update rules as women’s independence increased
- Her view that style matters, but blind conformity does not
Later Life and Legacy
Emily Post remained influential for the rest of her life and beyond.
Personal losses and continued work
- In 1927, her son Bruce died young from a ruptured appendix.
- She coped by throwing herself into work and new interests like gardening and architecture.
- She wrote The Personality of a House, a book on architecture and design.
- She continued revising Etiquette repeatedly over the years:
- About 10 updates
- Around 90 printings
Broader cultural reach
- She became a radio personality and columnist.
- In 1940, Pageant magazine ranked her second only to Eleanor Roosevelt among the most powerful women in America.
- The Emily Post Institute still exists and continues to issue modern etiquette guidance, including advice on:
- Smartphones
- Grief
- Social interactions
Notable Takeaways
The episode’s main lessons about Emily Post
- Etiquette is not about snobbery; it is about courtesy
- Social grace is accessible to everyone
- Manners matter most when they show respect for others
- Good etiquette should evolve with society
- Being “well-bred” means little without character
Memorable quote-level ideas
- “Certainly what one is is of far greater importance than what one appears to be.”
- The best ingredients for likability:
- A pleasant expression
- An unaffected manner
- A sympathetic attitude
Bottom Line
Emily Post was much more than the “etiquette lady.” The episode presents her as a sharp observer of human behavior, a gifted writer, and a surprisingly modern thinker who used manners as a way to promote decency, inclusion, and respect. Her real legacy is not rigid rule-following, but the idea that social life works better when people treat each other thoughtfully.