Overview of Serena Fcking Kerrigan*
This episode of Not Skinny But Not Fat features Amanda Hirsch in conversation with Serena Kerrigan — creator, confidence coach, author, and dating personality — about her new book, Let’s Fucking Date: Become the Prize, Enjoy the Ride, and Never Settle Again. The episode is part personal catch-up, part dating advice session, and part deep dive into Serena’s philosophy on confidence, ambition, and how to show up for the life and love you want.
What the Conversation Covers
Amanda’s opening thoughts
- Amanda starts with a personal reflection on the podcast name Not Skinny But Not Fat, noting that she sometimes questions whether it still fits.
- She shares a funny story about a friend’s daughter reacting negatively to the phrase, highlighting how the name now feels “of another generation.”
- She also talks about her sleep issues, high cortisol levels, and getting pulled into old TikTok content-house drama while scrolling.
Serena’s origin story
- Serena explains that she built her career during the pandemic by launching confidence coaching on Zoom after quitting her job at Refinery29.
- She says people paid for her coaching because she offered practical, direct advice rather than vague affirmations.
- One of her core beliefs: confidence comes from how you talk to yourself, not just how you look or what you’ve achieved.
Dating, validation, and self-worth
- Serena says her obsession with boys started very young and eventually turned into a career centered on dating and confidence.
- She explains that her early pattern was tying sex and male attention to self-worth.
- A major turning point came when she realized she needed to stop saying things like “I’m never going to find anyone” because negative self-talk becomes reality.
- She encourages women to stop using “men are trash” language if they actually want a healthy relationship.
- Her view: the way you speak about your dating life shapes the kind of dating life you have.
Confidence tactics Serena teaches
- Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend.
- Use mirror work: look yourself in the eye and say things like “I love you” and “you are a prize.”
- Stop third-person self-hatred and stop saying “I am ugly” or “I am doomed” because feelings are temporary, but identity language sticks.
- Confidence is free and available, and it starts with self-talk.
Her book: Let’s Fucking Date
- Serena says she wrote the book she wished she had when she was younger.
- It’s not only about dating — it also covers self-esteem, boundaries, and how to date your partner once you’re in a relationship.
- The book includes interactive “mirror prompts” and direct advice aimed at making women feel both empowered and challenged.
- She’s open about wanting the book to do well on bestseller lists, but says the real goal is impact and reader transformation.
Serena’s Relationship with Felix
How they met
- Serena met her partner Felix after he invited her onto his podcast.
- She initially thought the invite was professional, but they had instant chemistry.
- She texted him after the interview, he followed up, and they went out for sushi.
The age-gap dynamic
- Felix is six years younger than Serena.
- Serena initially felt embarrassed by the age gap because of social pressure and stereotypes.
- She says the real issue was never the age itself, but the fear of judgment and assumptions that younger men are immature.
- Over time, she realized she had been unfairly limiting herself by refusing to date younger men.
Why the relationship works
- Felix is ambitious, supportive, and motivated by her success rather than threatened by it.
- Serena appreciates that he is open about where he is in life and doesn’t pretend to be at a different financial stage.
- She says a healthy relationship should include honesty, mutual support, sex, and laughter — not just a ring.
Big Themes and Takeaways
1. Ask for what you want
- Serena repeatedly stresses that women should stop feeling embarrassed about stating their goals.
- Whether it’s a book deal, a relationship, or support from others, she believes asking directly is powerful.
2. Do things “for the plot”
- Serena explains that her phrase “do it for the plot” came from her own life philosophy: take risks, say yes, and create stories worth remembering.
- She applies this to dating, travel, work, and even spontaneous adventures.
3. Get outside your comfort zone
- Her advice for meeting someone is not to obsess over dating apps or “hotspots,” but to change your routine.
- Go to a new workout class, coffee shop, event, or baby shower.
- The point is to create openings for new experiences and new people.
4. Don’t mistake an ick for a dealbreaker
- Serena admits she’s had irrational “icks” but says many are really just excuses to create distance.
- She and Amanda joke about ridiculous icks, but Serena distinguishes between small annoyances and real incompatibilities like cheapness.
5. Success should not be hidden
- Serena says she used to downplay her accomplishments around men.
- Now she believes a good partner should want to celebrate, not diminish, her ambition and career growth.
Notable Moments and Personal Details
- Serena says she has always been obsessed with Sex and the City and especially identifies with Samantha Jones.
- She recalls giving a handjob at age 12 and how it got exposed at school, leading to a hilarious but blunt reaction from her Argentinian mother: “Use a condom.”
- She froze her eggs as a way to feel more empowered and less rushed about settling down.
- She and Felix are both only children whose parents divorced, which she notes as one of several surprising similarities.
- She describes herself as ambitious, highly driven, and happiest when busy.
Final Takeaway
This episode is ultimately about self-worth, dating with intention, and refusing to shrink yourself. Serena’s message is clear: confidence is built through action, honest self-talk, and a willingness to want more. Her book and her brand both push the same idea — you are the prize, and your life gets better when you start acting like it.