Overview of Not Skinny But Not Fat — Episode: "Cazzie David Spirals About Turning 30"
Amanda Hirsch interviews writer/comedian Cazzie David about her new essay collection Delusions (full title: Delusions of Grandeur, of Romance, of Progress). The conversation weaves between cultural commentary (Amanda opens with thoughts on the pulled season of The Bachelorette), Cazzie’s book and audiobook narration, and a candid deep-dive into anxiety, turning 30, wellness trends, relationships, family, and an intense MDMA therapy experience that helped her make major life decisions.
Episode details
- Host: Amanda Hirsch (Not Skinny But Not Fat)
- Guest: Cazzie David (writer/comedian)
- Book discussed: Delusions (Cazzie David) — Amanda recommends the audiobook, read by Cazzie
- Tone: conversational, funny, anxious, candid
Key topics discussed
- Context about a current reality-TV controversy: Amanda opens with remarks on ABC pulling The Bachelorette after domestic violence footage surfaced (she expresses sadness and concern for those involved).
- Cazzie’s book Delusions: structure as essays chronicling the year before her 30th birthday; themes of existential crisis, self-scrutiny, and the tension between expected “growth” and actual stasis.
- Turning 30: societal cliches vs lived reality; choice paralysis about career, relationships, and parenthood; the pressure of timelines (eggs, kids) and how that plays into anxiety.
- Family dynamics: closeness with her father, differences with her sister, how parental expectations/age influence the desire for children.
- Mental health & body image: face dysmorphia and body dysmorphia, obsessive focus on perceived flaws (pores, eye bags), and how small comments can spiral.
- Wellness/beauty obsession & advice economy: critique of influencers and "wellness" trends, feeling impressionable and sometimes duped.
- MDMA-assisted therapy: Cazzie recounts an intense solo MDMA session with her therapist at home that produced vivid embodied experiences, helped clarify a major relationship decision, but had a difficult multi-day after-effect; she warns people it’s a serious experience and not a casual fix.
- Writing memoir again: vulnerabilities of writing humor/memoir (negative feedback feels like an attack on personality), and why she returned to the form.
- Dating, sobriety & lifestyle: reduced drinking, dietary quirks, the awkward logistics of modern dating for anxious people, and small personal idiosyncrasies (sardine algorithm).
Main takeaways
- Turning 30 rarely produces a sudden transformation; the pressure is often socially constructed and can create paralysis rather than clarity.
- Self-knowledge can be both freeing and imprisoning: Cazzie describes knowing herself too well and feeling trapped by that awareness.
- Body/face-focused anxieties can be intense and all-consuming; they’re real mental-health issues (face dysmorphia discussed as a specific variant).
- The wellness/advice economy is noisy and sometimes exploitative — be skeptical and selective.
- Psychedelic/MDMA therapy can catalyze insights and help with big decisions, but it’s serious: expect strong embodied reactions and possibly difficult after-effects.
- Writing and performing personal humor exposes you to unique criticism; memoir invites judgments about the person, not just the craft.
Notable quotes & moments (paraphrased)
- On the book’s theme: the essays are “one long existential crisis” about the year before 30.
- On the “progress” in her full title: the book is self-aware about being a “delusion of progress” — little actual growth happens.
- On owning choices: “I know how stupid I am so to know that I'm in charge of my own fate was the thing that really freaked me out.”
- MDMA therapy scene: Cazzie describes an unexpectedly intense experience where she ended up physically clinging to her therapist — useful for clarity but emotionally intense and disorienting afterwards.
- On memoir vulnerability: negative reviews feel like people saying they don’t like you, not just your book.
Conversation highlights / structure (quick timeline)
- Amanda’s opening: reaction to The Bachelorette being pulled (context for the episode start).
- Introduction of Cazzie and Delusions; Amanda praises the audiobook narration.
- Discussion of the book’s approach: anxious, comedic essays about the pre-30 spiral.
- Personal stories: under-attended 30th party, family dynamics, sister contrast.
- Deep dives: face dysmorphia, wellness trends, food/sobriety habits.
- MDMA therapy experience and consequences.
- On writing: why she returned to memoir, handling criticism.
- Lighthearted bits: renaming celebrities, “depressed Anne Hathaway” comparisons, jokes about marketing and edible/erotic imagery.
- Episode close: promotion and sign-off.
Recommendations / action items
- If you’re curious about the subject matter, read or listen to Delusions — the audiobook is recommended because Cazzie’s narration amplifies the essays’ voice and timing.
- Approach wellness and influencer advice critically; don’t adopt extreme protocols without vetting sources/clinicians.
- If considering MDMA or other psychedelic-assisted therapy: research thoroughly, work with licensed professionals, and expect it to be a serious psychological/embodied process (not a casual party drug experience).
- If you’re struggling with body/face preoccupations, consider speaking to a mental-health professional — these concerns can develop into clinical dysmorphia and are treatable.
Who will get the most from this episode
- Readers/listeners who enjoyed Cazzie’s first book or who like comic, confessional essays about modern anxiety.
- People approaching life milestones (30s) who want candid takes on the cultural pressures that come with them.
- Anyone interested in first-person accounts of psychedelic-assisted therapy and its psychological effects.