Overview of Black women in their 30s: Then vs. Now
This episode of NPR's Books We've Loved brings host Brittany Luce together with Andrew Limbaugh and Bea Parker to reread and discuss Terry McMillan's 1992 novel Waiting to Exhale. The conversation treats the book as a cultural time capsule of Black, middle‑class professional women in their 30s in the 1990s — its themes, style, controversies, and legacy (including the massively popular film). The hosts compare how reading it as adults differs from the childhood/memory-based experience of its movie‑heavy presence in Black American pop culture, assess McMillan’s voice and choices, and recommend related reads.
Quick synopsis and characters
- Premise: Four Black women in their mid‑30s (Savannah, Bernadine, Robin, Gloria) navigate careers, family obligations, dating and relationship disappointments while leaning on their friendship.
- Characters:
- Savannah: Career‑minded PR executive looking for a partner with matching socioeconomic prospects.
- Gloria: Salon owner, the group's emotional rock, focused on her teenage son.
- Bernadine: Enters an acrimonious divorce after her husband leaves her for his white secretary.
- Robin: Open‑hearted, frequently falls for the wrong men.
Main takeaways
- Cultural time capsule: The book captures concerns of 1990s Black professional women — finances, divorce, caregiving, dating, scarcity narratives about eligible Black men — and shows which issues have changed and which persist.
- Dialogue and structure: McMillan’s dialogue is the book’s strength; it reads as a series of tight vignettes (perfect commuter reading) with frequent perspective shifts, giving each woman a distinct voice and moving multiple arcs forward.
- Friendship at the center: Despite messy private thoughts and gossip in the book, the core is the bond among the women; the movie emphasizes sisterly love even more overtly than the novel.
- Controversy and authorship: Upon release some criticized the book for its portrayal of Black men. McMillan’s stance (echoed in a Terry Gross interview clip) is that authors tell specific stories about characters, not represent an entire race: “we’re not trying to represent the entire Black race. We are telling a story about the characters.”
- Legacy: Waiting to Exhale helped mainstream portrayals of candid conversations among women about sex, love, work, and money and is a precursor (culturally if not directly) to later media that center women's talk-driven narratives (the hosts draw lines to Sex and the City, modern podcasts and talk shows).
Notable insights & memorable lines
- “We are now the grown folks.” — hosts reflecting on reading the book now that they’re the age of the characters.
- McMillan on criticism: authors aren’t representing an entire race — “hit dogs holler” was cited as her retort to detractors.
- The book reads like an oral, conversational medium — the panel likens it to an early form of podcast/talk radio centered on women's lived experience.
- The book illuminated a “scarcity mindset” about eligible Black men in 1990s Black media and culture; that perception heavily shaped dating narratives then and still echoes today.
Cultural context and impact
- Publishing moment: Waiting to Exhale was a major paperback deal and put the interior lives of middle‑class Black women on the mass‑market map.
- Film adaptation: The movie (1995) amplified the book’s cultural footprint — turning the novel into a shared cultural reference point for many who hadn’t read the book.
- Influence on later media: Hosts argue that McMillan’s focus on women’s candid talk about sex and relationships helped create space for shows and formats that foreground women’s conversational lives (some named examples: Sex and the City, contemporary feminist podcasts).
- Aftermath: The mid‑90s produced several high‑profile Black women–centered books/films (How Stella Got Her Groove Back, etc.). The panel notes a later shift in Black film/TV landscapes and the rise of creators like Tyler Perry, who filled different cultural niches.
Critiques & ambivalence
- Tone toward characters: Some hosts felt McMillan’s asides and unflattering private thoughts about characters can feel mean; one host jokingly asked, “Does Terry McMillan hate women?” consensus: no, but McMillan can be snappy.
- Book vs. movie: The novel contains sharper, messier depictions of the characters’ private judgements; the film smooths toward sentimental sisterhood.
- Nostalgia vs. critical reading: Reading as an adult changes perception — what once felt like "grown folks’ business" is now a more complicated, sometimes darker portrait.
Should you read it today?
- The panel’s view: Yes — particularly as an anthropological/time‑capsule read. They recommend it for:
- Readers interested in 1990s Black middle‑class life and gender politics.
- Those who appreciate strong dialogue and character‑driven, vignette structure.
- Anyone curious about the cultural lineage of candid women’s media (TV, podcasts, books).
If you liked this, read/seek these
- Where I’m Coming From — Barbara Brandon‑Croft (comic strip collection capturing Black women’s conversations and cultural life).
- Things I Should Have Told My Daughter: Lies, Lessons, and Love Affairs — Pearl Cleage (memoir/journal spanning coming‑of‑age to midlife).
- The Wilderness — Angela Flournoy (contemporary novel about friendship and family across time; recommended as a modern counterpart).
Final note
This episode mixes personal nostalgia and critical reading to situate Waiting to Exhale as both a formative cultural artifact and a novel whose influence and occasional flaws are worth revisiting. The discussion underscores how certain concerns (friendship, finances, dating dynamics, caregiving) persist across decades, and how McMillan’s ear for dialogue helped open space for women’s talk‑centered storytelling in mainstream culture.