Overview of When Your Kid Says “I’m Boredddd!”
This episode of Good Inside (hosted by Dr. Becky Kennedy) features Lizzie Asa, an expert on independent play and boredom. They reframe kids’ boredom as a positive signal—evidence that downtime and autonomy are present—and give practical strategies parents can use to move from “entertainer” to “scaffolder.” The conversation covers why kids seem bored more often today, how boredom builds decision-making and resilience, concrete ways to set up “play pockets,” and scripts parents can use when kids complain they’re bored.
Key points and main takeaways
- Boredom is not a failure of parenting; it’s often a sign you’ve protected downtime and space for your child’s creativity. (“If your child says ‘I’m bored,’ pat yourself on the back.”)
- Independent play is practice for life skills: initiative, decision-making, resilience, and the ability to start without being told.
- Your reaction matters first. Tolerance and curiosity from the adult create a safe container for kids to tolerate discomfort and invent.
- The goal is to scaffold and remove barriers—not to manufacture entertainment or do the work for them.
- Expect pushback. Change takes time and requires adult conviction even when the child resists at first.
Why kids are bored more now
- Modern childhoods are more externally stimulated (screens, activities), so unscheduled, low-dopamine moments feel unfamiliar.
- Parents often feel compelled to optimize and entertain, lowering tolerance for children’s discomfort.
- When parents fix boredom repeatedly, children don’t get practice making decisions and tolerating small frustrations.
Practical strategies parents can use
Set up the environment (play pockets)
- Keep materials that reflect your child’s interests accessible (toys, books, art supplies). Not elaborate projects—easy-to-start items.
- Remove barriers (make markers, paper, favorite figurines reachable) rather than buying new kits.
- Create predictable downtime: schedule play/rest with the same intent used for activities.
Scaffolding vs. doing the work
- Scaffolding = set conditions, model curiosity, ask questions that prompt the child to think, and reflect back what you see.
- Don’t become the entertainer: avoid performing a scripted activity that you then lead.
- Use small prompts instead of solutions: “I wonder why that fell?” vs. “Do it this way.”
Lead with connection
- Respond first with empathy and curiosity: “That sounds frustrating. Want to tell me about it?” or “It’s hard when you don’t know what to do.”
- Short co-regulation can help: sit near them doing your own task while they try something new.
Remove barriers, don’t over-supply
- Parents’ role is often to remove obstacles (e.g., put paper out on the table, make crayons easy to reach).
- Use your child’s current interests (tv/game characters, vehicles, pets) as hooks to make independent play inviting.
Have conviction and expect resistance
- Any meaningful change requires the adult to be confident in the new boundary or routine (not waffling).
- Expect whining/reluctance initially—treat it as normal practice and part of the learning.
Age/stage examples
- Toddlers/preschool (2–5): Create play pockets, place favorite figures/blocks within reach, sit nearby to scaffold briefly.
- Early elementary (5–10): Ask “What did you enjoy last time?” Offer an accessible setup (paper + markers + snack). Let child practice starting independently.
- Older kids / teens: Focus on autonomy and planning skills—collaborate on systems (e.g., a wall hook for water bottles) and reflect on consequences non-punitively.
Scripts and phrases (what to say vs. what not to say)
- Helpful phrases:
- “That’s a hard feeling—you don’t know what to do right now.”
- “I noticed you were building earlier. Tell me about that when you want.”
- “Do you want to sit next to me and try this while I work?”
- “What did you do last time when you were bored? Want help remembering?”
- Less helpful responses:
- Listing a bunch of activities as a quick fix: “You have toys—why are you bored?”
- Turning boredom into punishment or chores.
- Immediately jumping in with step-by-step instructions or completing the task for them.
Concrete examples & micro-skills to practice
- Tower/building collapses: instead of fixing, offer a wondering prompt (“I wonder why that fell?”) and let the child decide next steps.
- Forgetful kid (water bottle/violin): collaborate on a system (“What would help you remember?”) rather than doing it for them or scolding.
- Transition from screen vs. activity: set out an inviting alternative tied to interests (favorite figurines + paper) and be nearby as they begin.
Quick action plan (what to do this week)
- Pick one daily time block to reserve as “boredom/play pocket” and protect it like any activity.
- Do a 10-minute audit: what interests does your child talk about most? Put two related items where they can reach them.
- Practice one scaffolding question every time your child says “I’m bored.”
- Commit to one week of conviction: when you introduce a small change, keep the plan consistent for several days despite pushback.
Notable quotes
- “Boredom is safe and a good thing.”
- “Play is one of the only places that they get to make the decisions.”
- “I just put out the scaffolding for the work.”
- “When you remove the job of entertainer from your description, you actually have a lot more time back for yourself.”
Recommended reading / resources mentioned
- Lizzie Asa’s book on boredom and independent play (guest’s work referenced).
- Support resources mentioned in sponsor segments: Care.com (caregivers, camps, daycare) and Airbnb co-host network (for family resets), Welcome Baby (nonprofit partnership mentioned).
Final reframing
- Tolerating boredom begins with your reaction; that’s an area you can control.
- Your child’s boredom often signals you’ve preserved space for them to develop creativity and autonomy.
- Protect play as practice for life: these small, repeated moments build decision-making, initiative, and resilience.
Place your feet on the ground, place a hand on your heart, and remember: even as we struggle, we remain good inside.