Overview of What We Learn About Love Before We’re 10 (How We're Raised with Will Guidara)
This episode of Good Inside (hosted by Dr. Becky Kennedy) features restaurateur and author Will Guidara in the first installment of a new series, How We're Raised. The conversation links early caregiving experiences to how we show up as adults — at work, in leadership, and at home. Guidara traces how caring for his mother as a child shaped his lifelong focus on hospitality, describes his philosophy of “Unreasonable Hospitality” (being relentlessly intentional about making people feel seen), and translates those ideas into concrete rituals he uses with his own young children.
Guest & background
- Will Guidara: former co-owner of Eleven Madison Park, author of Unreasonable Hospitality and the Unreasonable Hospitality Field Guide. Now runs a creative studio, writes, and speaks.
- Personal history: mother diagnosed with brain cancer and became quadriplegic; father provided constant caregiving. Those childhood experiences seeded Guidara’s deep orientation toward care and presence.
- Career arc: grew up around restaurants, studied hospitality at Cornell, worked for top chefs and Danny Meyer, ultimately helped shape 11 Madison Park’s people-first hospitality.
Main themes & insights
- Early attention matters: small, focused acts of attention (eye contact, waiting to greet a child) create deep feelings of being seen and loved.
- Hospitality as people-centered craft: Guidara reframes excellence from product-first to people-first — “be unreasonable in pursuit of people” — arguing the biggest competitive advantage is making people feel truly seen.
- Magic and ritual amplify connection: intentional, simple rituals in ordinary life create meaning and belonging for kids and families.
- Transferable lessons: lessons from workplace culture (intentionality, design of experience) are equally applicable and often underused in family life.
- Boundary/energy awareness: hospitality is energizing for him, while detail-oriented excellence can be deplete; effective caregiving requires prioritizing whom to care for in the moment.
Memorable anecdotes & examples
- Childhood memory: his mom would be pushed to the end of the street to watch him ride home — her radiant attention made him feel uniquely valued.
- Restaurant moment: a server giving cough drops mid-service — small gestures matter more than technical perfection.
- Home rituals Guidara uses:
- Scavenger hunts to extend Christmas magic.
- “Fancy cereal day” — a weekly branded ritual signaling family together time.
- “Sipping Phil” — a bedtime micro-ritual to create connection around routine tasks.
- Tooth-fairy proclamation inspired by a colleague: kids scream their name and “I believe in magic” to make the moment fuller.
- “Treasure store” (donated toys collected and then exchanged for one small Goodwill find) to teach giving and reduce entitlement.
Practical tips & action items for parents and leaders
- Prioritize presence over perfection:
- When a child needs comfort, focus on holding and being present rather than fixing or giving advice.
- Establish a short mental prompt (e.g., “Listen for the next two minutes”) to stay fully present.
- Build small branded rituals:
- Pick one tiny, repeatable ritual (fancy cereal, bedtime phrase, treasure box) that signals connection.
- Make ordinary moments feel special by adding small surprises, scavenger hunts, or consistent language.
- Create “magic” intentionally:
- Invest a bit more energy than expected for key moments (birthdays, first games, disappointments) to make them memorable.
- Teach generosity and limits:
- Use periodic activities (donation days/treasure store) to encourage kids to give away toys and value experiences over accumulation.
- Manage caregiving energy:
- Know which caregiving actions are energizing vs. depleting. Delegate or scale back tasks that drain you so you can be fully present where it matters most.
Notable quotes & takeaways
- “We made the choice to be unreasonable, not in pursuit of product, but in pursuit of people.”
- “Our human desire to feel seen” — hospitality’s core objective.
- Maya Angelou (quoted): “People will forget what you say. They will forget what you do. But they will never forget how you made them feel.”
- Becky’s three headline takeaways: the power of unhurried attention; adding more magic to everyday moments; keeping it simple — presence is often enough.
Resources, books & series info
- Guest books: Unreasonable Hospitality; Unreasonable Hospitality Field Guide (practical how-to).
- Host book plug: Dr. Becky’s picture book Leave Me Alone — about feelings, connection, and boundaries.
- New series: How We're Raised — a recurring series exploring how upbringing shapes adult behavior. Listener input invited via podcast@goodinside.com.
Sponsors & brief notes
- Episode contains sponsored mentions: Care.com (caregiver support), Airbnb co-host network, Haya (kids’ vitamins), Skylight Calendar. These are practical resources referenced in the episode for caregiving logistics and family routines.
Bottom line
The episode argues that the ways we were cared for before age ten — especially being seen and attended to — profoundly shape how we lead, love, and build culture later. Small, intentional acts of presence and ritual are low-effort, high-impact ways to create belonging and magic for children (and for customers or employees).