Overview of Conan Unboxes “Toy Story” Merch
In this comedic segment from Conan O’Brien Needs a Fan, Conan and the crew mock-unbox a wide range of “Toy Story 5” Smarty Pants merchandise, with Conan hilariously pretending his character is the true center of the movie and demanding a cut of the merch profits. The bit escalates into absurd praise, petty grievance, and exaggerated fan mania as they reveal toys, clothes, books, and novelty items tied to Smarty Pants, a potty-training tech toy Conan voices.
What Happened
Conan’s “Smarty Pants” victory lap
- Conan jokes that “Toy Story 5” is the biggest movie in the world and that Smarty Pants is the breakout character.
- He repeatedly takes credit for the movie’s success, joking that he handled the animation and is basically responsible for everything.
- The comedy centers on his character being a tech toy / toilet-training device with buttons for “number one” and “number two.”
Merch reveal and mock outrage
They unbox a long list of Smarty Pants products, including:
- Playsets with Smarty Pants and other characters
- Funko Pop figures
- Wallets
- Hoodies and shirts
- Mystery boxes / blind toys
- Sticker book
- Golden books / storybooks
- Snow globes
- Cheese
- A Kellogg’s cereal-box promo
- A mystery toy line with multiple possible characters
Conan reacts to each item with escalating jealousy and mock indignation, especially when:
- Smarty Pants is placed below other characters on packaging
- Woody appears on the back of a box while Smarty Pants is on the front
- Merch seems to favor other characters or split him into awkward multi-pack arrangements
The “Smarty Pants mania” joke
- Conan claims there’s a nationwide craze called “Smarty Pants mania.”
- He invents a dance that’s supposedly sweeping the country:
rock left, rock right, flush, flush, spin - He jokingly warns that kids will riot if they don’t get the Smarty Pants toy in blind-box purchases.
Best Running Jokes
- Conan is absurdly needy about merch royalties
- He insists he should have gotten a cut.
- He jokes about sending fans to a GoFundMe/Venmo so they can compensate him.
- He overstates Smarty Pants’ importance
- At one point he claims Smarty Pants is the movie’s emotional and comedic center.
- A fake children’s book backstory
- The book description bizarrely portrays Smarty Pants as emotionally damaged, attention-seeking, and desperate for validation.
- Conan loves how overly specific and mean the character bio is.
- The “Pixar lamp as an enforcer” gag
- Conan imagines a Pixar lamp acting like an attorney or enforcer for the studio, cracking down on dissent.
Main Takeaways
- The segment is a pure comedy riff on franchise merchandising and celebrity voice-acting ego.
- Conan’s character Smarty Pants is treated like a cultural phenomenon, but the humor comes from how tiny and ridiculous the character actually is.
- The merch reveal becomes a running joke about corporate overreach, toy marketing, and Conan’s fake financial grievance.
- The whole bit is intentionally over-the-top, with Conan leaning into self-parody as a supposedly indispensable movie star.
Notable Bit
- The most memorable reveal is the storybook description of Smarty Pants, which describes him as deeply needy and emotionally unresolved. Conan and the crew treat it like accidental psychological analysis, and it becomes one of the funniest moments of the segment.
Sponsor Read Interludes
The transcript also includes multiple ad reads, including:
- Coca-Cola Zero Sugar
- Tostitos
- Hyundai
- Everpure
- BetterHelp
- Robert Half
- Fidelity Active ETFs
- SiriusXM
These are separate from the main comedy segment and mainly serve as sponsor breaks.