Overview of Why We Self Sabotage with Alex Cooper
In this Sunday episode of Call Her Daddy, Alex Cooper uses a personal update about pregnancy and learning to slow down to explore the deeper topic of self-sabotage—why people do it, what it looks like in relationships and careers, and how to stop. She argues that self-sabotage often feels like self-protection in the moment, but over time it erodes confidence, stability, and potential. The episode also includes a short Q&A segment covering therapy, sharing locations in relationships, maternity leave, bachelorette-party expectations, workplace boundaries, and social media etiquette among friends.
Main Topic: Why People Self-Sabotage
What self-sabotage can look like
Alex breaks self-sabotage down into common behaviors such as:
- Picking fights when things are going well in a relationship
- Ghosting stable partners because “peace” feels boring or unfamiliar
- Procrastinating on big opportunities so failure can be blamed on timing instead of effort
- Avoiding risk in career settings to stay in a comfort zone
- Acting out through numbing behaviors like doomscrolling, bingeing, overspending, or substance use
Why people do it
Her central point is that self-sabotage often comes from a fear of vulnerability, rejection, failure, or success. People may subconsciously choose chaos because it feels familiar, even when it’s painful.
Key ideas she emphasizes:
- Chaos can feel safer than peace if you grew up around instability
- Success can feel more threatening than struggle because it creates something to lose
- Self-sabotage can function like a defense mechanism disguised as intuition
The long-term damage
Alex warns that self-sabotage is not just a one-off mistake—it creates a slow domino effect:
- It weakens self-trust
- It fuels imposter syndrome
- It increases reliance on external validation
- It can limit career growth and earnings
- It can lead to chronic stress and unhealthy coping patterns
Her strongest takeaway: if you keep failing to follow through on your own goals, your brain starts to believe your word means nothing.
How to Stop Self-Sabotaging
Alex’s core advice is simple but demanding: build tolerance for peace.
Practical reframes she suggests
- When anxiety shows up in a healthy situation, ask:
“Am I actually unsafe, or is this just unfamiliar?” - Write down:
- What is actually happening
- What story your mind is making up
- Give healthy relationships and opportunities more time before rejecting them out of fear
- Stop repeating narratives like:
- “I’m a disaster”
- “Good things don’t happen to me”
- “I’m just not that person”
Her larger message
Alex urges listeners to:
- Take accountability
- Stop blaming every outcome on other people
- Accept that discomfort is often part of growth
- Remember that they’ve already survived their worst days
Listener Questions and Advice
Therapy: “What if I run out of things to talk about?”
Alex says that is actually a great sign—therapy often becomes most useful when life is calm enough to explore deeper patterns. She recommends:
- Telling your therapist directly that you feel stuck
- Letting them guide the session
- Using calm periods to dig into childhood patterns, triggers, and core beliefs
Sharing locations with a partner
Her view: it’s fine if it comes from trust and convenience, but unhealthy if it’s used to manage insecurity or control someone. If you only want their location because you don’t trust them, the real problem is the relationship—not the app.
Maternity leave and work-life balance
Alex shares anxiety about stepping away from Call Her Daddy after becoming a mom, since she has rarely taken significant time off. She says she is:
- Banking episodes ahead of time
- Planning to disconnect from work and social media
- Hoping to be fully present during maternity leave
Bride requiring Lily Pulitzer for a bachelorette
Alex thinks this is too much unless the bride is paying for the outfits. Her rule:
- Color scheme/theme = fine
- Mandating an expensive brand = not fair, especially when guests are already paying for travel, lodging, and activities
Coworker says “I’m just being honest,” but is rude
Her advice is to respond calmly and set a boundary:
- Distinguish honesty from cruelty
- Keep the conversation focused on workplace conduct
- Don’t react emotionally, because calmness takes away their power
Friend films everything and posts it online
Alex says this is a valid boundary to set. Her guidance:
- Tell your friend you support their posting style
- Make it clear you don’t want to be included every time
- Ask for respect around privacy in social settings
Notable Takeaways
- Peace is not boredom.
- Discomfort does not always mean danger.
- Self-sabotage is often fear in disguise.
- Your future changes when you stop treating yourself like your own enemy.
- Accountability is the first step out of the cycle.
Closing Message
Alex ends by encouraging listeners to use the episode as a reset: if you recognize self-sabotaging patterns in yourself, start noticing them now and choose differently going forward. Her final message is blunt but hopeful: you do not need to keep creating new pain to prove you can survive it.