Overview of The Unknowns of Motherhood
In this Call Her Daddy episode, Alex Cooper opens up about the emotional, physical, and psychological whiplash of becoming a mother for the first time. Rather than focusing on the “glowy” Instagram version of pregnancy, she talks honestly about the fear, grief, excitement, identity shift, and shame that can come with entering motherhood. Her core message: it is completely normal to feel both deeply grateful and deeply scared at the same time.
Main Themes
The “unknowns” of motherhood
Alex frames motherhood as a massive life transition full of uncertainty:
- How will pregnancy and birth change her body?
- Will she lose pieces of her identity?
- Will motherhood affect her drive, career, and relationship?
- How does a woman hold excitement and fear at the same time?
She argues that these questions are not signs of weakness—they’re a normal response to one of the biggest transformations a person can go through.
Grief for your old life is normal
A major point of the episode is that women are often ashamed to admit they miss parts of their pre-motherhood lives:
- freedom and spontaneity
- independence
- sleep and rest
- being the main character in their own life
Alex stresses that grieving your old life does not mean you don’t want your baby. Both emotions can exist together.
Society’s toxic “either/or” view of mothers
She criticizes the cultural pressure that forces pregnant women and new moms into one of two boxes:
- the “grateful goddess” who never complains
- the “ungrateful complainer” who is judged for any fear or exhaustion
Her point is that there is no room for nuance, which makes women feel isolated and ashamed.
Scientific and Psychological Insight
Matrescence: the transition into motherhood
Alex highlights the term matrescence, which she describes as the motherhood version of adolescence:
- a huge physical, hormonal, and psychological shift
- a legitimate developmental transition
- not something women should be expected to handle flawlessly
She also references research showing that pregnancy and childbirth can cause major, rapid changes in the brain, reinforcing that these feelings are rooted in real transformation—not personal failure.
Ambivalence is healthy
A key takeaway from her research is that ambivalence—holding two opposing feelings at once—is actually normal and healthy during the transition to parenthood. That means:
- excited and scared
- grateful and overwhelmed
- in love with the baby and mourning the old self
Physical and Relationship Changes
The body becomes unfamiliar
Alex speaks candidly about how pregnancy can make a woman feel like her body is no longer fully her own:
- shifting organs and pain
- changing hips, breasts, skin, and center of gravity
- loss of control over symptoms and comfort
- the emotional impact of rapid physical change
She describes pregnancy as both powerful and unsettling—like being a “superhero” and a “hostage” in the same body.
Your relationship changes too
She notes that if you have a partner, pregnancy and parenthood permanently reshape the relationship:
- partner becomes co-parent
- routines and intimacy shift
- fears about being seen differently become real
- logistics, exhaustion, and emotional strain can create tension
Her message is that these concerns are normal and don’t automatically mean a relationship is in trouble.
Shame, Judgment, and the Need for Honesty
Alex repeatedly returns to the idea that shame grows in silence. She encourages women to:
- talk honestly about fears
- stop pretending everything is easy
- normalize venting about motherhood the same way we vent about work, family, or relationships
She also calls out how quickly pregnant women are policed or judged, including invasive behavior like people asking to touch their bump or demanding to know if they’re “so excited.”
Alex’s Personal Takeaways
Education reduces fear
Alex shares that learning more about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum through research and working with a doula has changed how she views her birth plan. The more information she gets, the less paralyzed she feels.
Fear can actually mean love
One of her strongest closing points is that fear is not evidence you’ll be a bad mother—it may actually show how much you care.
She emphasizes:
- you don’t need to be perfect
- you don’t need to have all the answers
- you can be scared and still be ready
- you can love your child and still miss your old life
Key Takeaways
- Motherhood is a major identity, body, and life transition, not a simple “next step.”
- It is normal to feel excitement and fear at the same time.
- Missing your old life does not mean you won’t love your baby.
- Society puts unfair pressure on mothers to be grateful, glowing, and silent.
- Talking openly about the hard parts helps remove shame.
- Knowledge, support, and community can make the transition feel less isolating.
Final Message
Alex’s overall message is compassionate and validating: women should give themselves permission to feel everything that comes with pregnancy and motherhood. The unknown is scary, but it’s also full of love, growth, and transformation. Her advice is to be honest, ask for support, and remember that you are not failing just because you’re afraid.