Overview of Call Her Daddy with Janelle Monáe
In this Call Her Daddy conversation, Alex Cooper sits down with Janelle Monáe to talk about her album-as-lifestyle project, The Age of Pleasure, and the personal healing that made it possible. Janelle opens up about moving from a life shaped by fear, anxiety, and survival into one centered on joy, sensuality, self-trust, and emotional freedom. The episode also explores her relationship with therapy, her father, breakups, privacy, queerness, polyamory, and why she believes we should all “thank our exes” for what they teach us.
Main Themes and Takeaways
Healing, Trauma, and Self-Trust
- Janelle shares that she spent much of her life in an “age of fear” and “age of anxiety” before arriving at her current place of peace.
- A major healing point was addressing rejection and abandonment trauma tied to her father’s addiction, absence, and inconsistency while she was growing up.
- She explains how those childhood wounds showed up in adult relationships and in how she interpreted criticism of her art.
- A key realization for her: other people’s opinions about her work are not more powerful than her own belief in herself.
Why She Says We Should Thank Our Exes
- Janelle describes a breakup that initially felt painful but later became a catalyst for growth.
- With therapy and support, she was able to thank an ex for forcing her to confront emotional patterns she had been avoiding.
- Her perspective: even painful relationships can reveal what needs healing and help you become a better partner later.
- Alex and Janelle both emphasize that breakups can be valuable, even if the relationship itself didn’t last.
The Meaning of The Age of Pleasure
- Janelle says she doesn’t really think of the project as just an album, but as “a soundtrack to a lifestyle.”
- She wrote songs for herself and her friends, often testing them at parties to see whether people actually moved, danced, or Shazamed them.
- The project was intentionally designed to feel fun, sensual, communal, and liberating.
- She wanted the music to make people feel:
- sexy
- joyful
- light
- seen
- free
Reclaiming Pleasure and Sensuality
- Janelle talks about learning that there is no pleasure without safety.
- She ties her current creative phase to reclaiming parts of herself she once suppressed, including sexuality and sensuality.
- She frames this as part of a larger process of unlearning shame and moving toward embodied freedom.
- Her message is clear: pleasure is not frivolous—it can be healing.
Relationships, Dating, and Privacy
Keeping Her Dating Life Private
- Janelle says she prefers privacy in relationships because public scrutiny can create unnecessary pressure.
- She believes people are often happier when they protect their personal lives from constant online visibility.
- Her reasoning is practical and protective: she does not want a partner to feel overwhelmed by public attention they didn’t ask for.
Communication in Relationships
- Janelle says she used to be guarded and emotionally hard to read, but now she values:
- honesty
- communication
- real-time feedback
- flexibility
- She wants relationships where problems are discussed openly rather than hidden.
- She identifies as someone who can adapt and doesn’t want to be boxed into one role or style in partnership.
Polyamory and Unlearning Tradition
- Janelle discusses her experience with polyamorous relationships and says she is open to love in multiple forms.
- She compares it to having multiple best friends or loving multiple family members—love does not have to be exclusive in every category of life.
- She acknowledges that this kind of relationship structure requires a lot of unlearning, especially for people raised with traditional or conservative ideas about love.
- Her broader point: people should be allowed to design relationships that actually work for them.
Sexuality and Identity
“Coming In” Instead of “Coming Out”
- Janelle explains that she prefers the idea of “coming in” rather than “coming out.”
- To her, it means inviting people into her world rather than framing herself as something outside the norm.
- She sees sexuality as something sacred and personal, not something she owes to others on demand.
Speaking Openly About Sexuality
- She says her art always reflected who she was, even before she was ready to discuss it publicly.
- Growing up in a conservative Baptist environment, she suppressed parts of her identity because she didn’t feel safe.
- Over time, through art, community, and courage, she became more willing to live openly and authentically.
- She also notes that people should not feel pressured to publicly label their sexuality before they are ready.
Personal Growth and Family
Rebuilding Her Relationship with Her Father
- Janelle says her dad is now one of her biggest supporters.
- She wanted a relationship with him not out of obligation, but because she genuinely wanted it.
- His support now matters deeply because he understands her artistry, her risks, and her identity.
- She says she also wanted him to know her as the sober version of himself and to experience receiving love from her without guilt.
The Role of Therapy
- Janelle strongly advocates for therapy and wishes it were free and accessible to everyone.
- Her advice for people working through childhood trauma:
- find a therapist you trust
- be honest
- expect discomfort
- stay committed to the process
- She emphasizes that healing is not quick, but it can completely change how you move through the world.
Creative Highlights and Tour Notes
What Makes the Album Special
- Janelle says the record is a love letter to her community, her friends, and the diaspora.
- The project features a number of collaborators and influences, including artists and cultural touchpoints from across Black and global music traditions.
- She sees the album as both personal and communal—built from joy, parties, and shared energy.
Upcoming Tour
- Janelle announces that she is touring The Age of Pleasure and says the shows will be high-energy and fun.
- She teases that the live performances will be especially exciting because the songs were made with live movement and dancing in mind.
Gifts for Alex
- At the end of the episode, Janelle gifts Alex:
- an Age of Pleasure shirt
- a signed copy of her book The Memory Librarian
Best Advice from the Episode
- You don’t need to stay emotionally defined by your exes.
- Healing childhood wounds can transform your adult relationships.
- Privacy can be a form of protection, not secrecy.
- Pleasure is worth reclaiming.
- You are allowed to live outside traditional relationship norms.
- You do not need to come out before you are ready—your identity is yours.