Overview of A Private Matter, Episode 5
In this episode of NHPR’s Bear Brook, reporter Jason Moon examines the final police interrogation of Patty Hickey and then speaks with her directly about her husband Jay’s disappearance. Police lieutenant Dana Flanders proposes that Jay may have left to avoid a nursing home and died by suicide, but Patty never confirms that account. Moon’s conversations with Patty deepen the mystery: her memories and explanations shift, her daughters question her account, and the episode leaves open what Patty knew and whether her inaction made her responsible for Jay’s fate.
The Final Interrogation
About seven weeks after Jay was reported missing, Lieutenant Dana Flanders questioned Patty for nearly four and a half hours. He brought a polygraph machine but did not use it, later citing concerns about Patty’s mental state and memory. He instead pressed her about why she had not looked for Jay or contacted him on major holidays.
Patty repeated that she did not realize Jay was missing: she thought he might be with his brothers, or that he had gone for a walk. She said he valued his privacy and did not want the police involved. Flanders challenged those explanations, arguing that Patty had failed to act despite being Jay’s caretaker.
After Patty mentioned that doctors had advised her to look into nursing homes, Flanders proposed a theory: Jay may have left because he did not want to enter one, then ended his life or allowed himself to die. He suggested Patty knew this and had remained in denial. Patty did not clearly accept the theory. The interview ended without a confession or charges.
Patty’s Account of Jay’s Disappearance
In a later interview, Patty recalled meeting Jay in 1980, falling in love with his kindness, and remaining devoted to him through his dementia. She described his confusion as intermittent: sometimes he would forget where he was or who she was, then recognize her again.
Her account of Jay’s final months differed from what she had told police. She said he often went for walks alone and usually returned; one day, he left and did not come back. She claimed she searched as far as she could, but did not enter the woods because she did not know the paths as well as Jay did. She also said she did not call the police because Jay had repeatedly returned and had told her he did not want them involved.
Moon notes that this timeline conflicts with the known sequence: Jay had been gone for months before their daughter Emily contacted police. Patty did not mention her earlier explanation that Jay might be visiting his brothers, nor did she recount going to check the mail and returning to find him gone.
Memory, Family Conflict, and Responsibility
Moon observed that Patty sometimes lost her train of thought and had a shaky memory, but did not seem profoundly confused about reality. Patty denied being responsible for Jay’s disappearance, saying he was an adult who knew what he was doing. She said she wished she had kept a closer eye on him.
Patty rejected the suggestion that she had helped Jay die on his own terms. Moon raises the possibility that they might have had an understanding about Jay leaving to die, but presents it as speculation, not an established explanation. Patty’s daughters, Emily and Kay, described a difficult childhood and said they could not rule out Patty’s involvement in Jay’s disappearance. Patty dismissed their accusations and said they did not understand how much she and Jay loved each other.
Moon reflects that Patty’s behavior remains hard to explain. She does not describe herself as overwhelmed or apologetic, even though such an account might have offered a straightforward explanation for her failure to seek help. The episode asks whether failing to act can amount to responsibility for someone’s death, while leaving the answer unresolved.
A Visit to the Farm
Patty later welcomed Moon and producer Elena Eberwine to the Christmas tree farm. She showed them the property and pointed out the work Jay had done to maintain it. His tools, campaign signs, and other belongings remained in the barn, which Moon describes as a shrine to Jay.
Patty said she now believed Jay was dead, though she did not know where. She seemed more frail and forgetful than during the earlier interrogation, and said Jay’s birthday had made it difficult to revisit the loss. The visit shifts Moon’s focus: surrounded by reminders of Jay, Patty appears to be living with his absence as much as the episode’s unanswered questions about how he vanished.