Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt II

Summary of Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt II

by Armchair Umbrella

42m•January 30, 2026
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Overview of Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt II

This episode of Armchair Anonymous (Armchair Umbrella) is a themed compilation of first‑hand stories and medical anecdotes about rectal/abdominal foreign objects. Hosts (Dax and Monica) talk with several callers who work in medicine or experienced the situations directly. The episode mixes hilarity, tenderness, and one tragic case, and highlights both improvised solutions gone wrong and how clinicians manage these unusual emergencies.

Key stories (who said what)

  • Kristen — nursing student, first clinical day

    • Patient: 83‑year‑old man with severe pain who told her “I have a bike handle up my ass.”
    • Cause: A vibrator (“magic bullet”) placed into a bicycle handle to add girth; the insert migrated proximally and required surgery.
    • Outcome: Patient had surgery, was kind and chatty; story framed as unexpectedly sweet (a friendship formed, patient candid about his sex life).

  • Rachel — surgical technologist (in/just out of OR)

    • Patient: Man with an inguinal hernia who also had an 8–9" metal object in his abdomen on imaging.
    • Operating findings: Opened abdomen, surgeon reached in and removed a screwdriver (metal tip showed on x‑ray; plastic handle didn’t).
    • Context/interpretation: Patient unhoused and possibly using screwdriver for shelter entry; substance use (meth) suspected in one storyteller’s interpretation.

  • Hannah — general surgery resident

    • Patient: ~50‑year‑old man with a pear stuck in his rectum for ~8 hours.
    • ED attempts: Foley balloon, ring forceps, anal dilators failed.
    • OR: Lithotomy position, many staff tried; Hannah (small hands) was able to reach elbow‑deep, extract the pear (cheers in the room) — then found a clementine after another dig: it was essentially fruit salad in the rectum.
    • Notes: Teamwork, improvisation (specula/dilators), and the occasional surreal nature of cases (honorable mention: a 3‑ft pool noodle case).

  • Debbie — ER physician assistant (rural New England)

    • Patient: Man in his 50s brought in after heavy bleeding and stab‑wound–like presentation.
    • Cause: He'd inserted a Kong dog toy (rubber, hollow, intended for treats) into his rectum; in panicked home efforts to extract it he injured/tore tissue severely.
    • Outcome: Transferred to trauma center, required surgery and ended up with a colostomy/stoma. Emotional/ethical weight: shame, severe morbidity, and the consequences of delayed help.

Medical & procedural takeaways

  • Diagnostics:
    • Plain x‑ray can identify radiopaque objects (metal shows bright white); CT is better for assessing free air/perforation.
  • ED vs OR interventions:
    • ED: attempts include manual extraction, Foley balloon technique (pass balloon beyond object, inflate, pull), ring forceps, conscious sedation.
    • OR: allows deeper instrumentation, controlled anesthesia, anal dilators/specula, and if needed, laparotomy.
  • Migration risk:
    • Objects can migrate proximally through rectum/colon and wind through sigmoid/cecum; migration increases complexity and may require abdominal surgery.
  • Complications:
    • Perforation, infection, hemorrhage, and need for ostomy are real risks — delaying care because of embarrassment can worsen outcomes.
  • Practical techniques seen:
    • Foley catheter balloon extraction, use of anal dilators/specula, manual extraction under full anesthesia (elbow‑deep), and laparotomy when necessary.

Themes & tone

  • Tone swings between darkly comic and tender: many stories are laughed at (fruit, screwdriver), while at least one is tragic (Kong → ostomy).
  • Common human drivers: shame, improvisation, substance use, loneliness, and experimentation.
  • Clinician demeanor: matter‑of‑fact professionalism, resourcefulness, and lack of moralizing — teams focus on safe extraction and patient care.

Practical advice & recommendations (from the episode’s implicit lessons)

  • Seek medical care early — delaying because of shame increases the risk of perforation and severe complications.
  • Avoid improvised instruments (sharp tools, glass, etc.). If experimenting, use devices designed with proper safety features (flared bases, easy retrieval).
  • If a foreign body is suspected, be honest with clinicians — it helps guide imaging, extraction approach, and infection/antibiotic decisions.
  • If removal attempts at home involve sharp objects, stop and seek care immediately.
  • For clinicians: be prepared (balloon technique, forceps, dilators), anticipate OR escalation, and remember the emotional aspects for patients.

Notable quotes & moments

  • Patient to Kristen: “I have a bike handle up my ass.”
  • Rachel: “Your colon’s kind of like a vacuum.”
  • Hannah: Cheer after manual extraction; then: “It’s a clementine” — the fruit‑salad reveal.
  • Debbie on the Kong case: an example of how shame can lead to worse outcomes (resulting in ostomy).
  • Recurrent line: clinicians treating these cases professionally and without judgment — “they don’t even blink.”

Bottom line

This episode collects vivid, often hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking incidents that highlight how common, dangerous, and logistically complex rectal/abdominal foreign bodies can be. The medical teams’ improvisation and calm are central; the primary takeaways for listeners are to avoid risky DIY solutions and to seek prompt medical attention without shame.