Overview of Armchair Anonymous: Cooking Disaster II
This episode of Armchair Anonymous (hosted by Dax Shepard with Randall Padman and regular contributors) collects listener-submitted kitchen nightmare stories — burns, shattered glass, falling fixtures, and food ruined by unexpected contaminants. The tone mixes dark humor, empathy and practical caution. Sponsors read: Quince and Skims.
Key stories (what happened)
Seth — Sheet‑pan bacon grease burn (Brevard, NC)
- Cooking bacon on sheet pans for a pancake brunch; pulled a hot pan from the oven and tilted it slightly.
- Hot bacon grease spilled down his forearm, causing immediate blistering and bubbling.
- Wife (a nurse) rinsed and patched; later surgeon scraped off damaged tissue. Painful recovery but good healing; a residual scar remains.
Sarah — Ceiling light falls into lemon‑meringue pie (London, Ontario)
- While making lemon meringue for her boyfriend’s family, she pulled a ceiling‑fan light fixture down while turning a fan cord.
- The light fixture landed in the pie plate; after serving several slices, the remaining pie was found speckled with dead bugs that had been in the light fixture.
- Family reaction: disgust/embarrassment; everyone ultimately OK.
Emma — French press spill: hot coffee/boiling water burn (Honolulu, HI)
- Six‑week‑old baby and sleep deprivation in house. A French press (glass beaker + plunger) tipped and spilled boiling coffee/water onto Emma’s husband (thigh, genitals) and the baby (minor burns).
- Husband required ER care: second‑degree burns, admitted, IV fentanyl/morphine drip for pain control, risk of infection; long hospital stay, difficult wean off opioids, ~$10,000 bill.
- Husband eventually healed fully; family stopped using the French press.
Jen — Shattered bowl, deep wrist laceration (Bay Area, CA)
- Bowl of corn slipped, shattered; a shard sliced her wrist deeply — tendon visible, near an artery.
- Initial first aid at home during early COVID; urgent care attempted stitches but wound was deep. Referred to orthopedic hand specialist; avoided surgery but had prolonged recovery.
- Stitches ended up embedded; required special removal; lingering numbness/tingling and reduced strength/mobility in wrist.
Main takeaways & safety lessons
- Hot grease and sheet pans: handle with extreme care. Sheet pans with pooled grease are unstable; use oven mitts/tongs, ensure level removal, consider draining grease or using a rack high enough to minimize contact with hand surfaces.
- French presses and other tall glass vessels: keep on stable surfaces away from laps, edges, and infants; secure lids; never hold a baby while handling boiling liquids.
- For burns: cool area immediately with lukewarm (not ice‑cold) running water for ~10–20 minutes; remove jewelry/clothing near the burn if possible; seek medical care for blistering, large surface area, or burns on face/hands/genitals.
- For deep cuts with embedded glass or exposed tendon/artery: do not blindly pull out all objects; control bleeding, seek emergency care — risk of infection, tendon/nerve injury, and vascular damage.
- Prevention: avoid improvising with towels/paper towels as protection; keep kids away when handling hot liquids/pans; secure overhead fixtures and check work areas before serving.
- Household prep: keep first‑aid basics accessible; have emergency contacts and nearest burn/trauma unit identified.
Notable quotes & moments
- “If you hate burning, this is not the episode for you.” — trigger warning at episode start.
- “I pulled it out probably a little quicker than I should.” — Seth on grabbing the sheet pan.
- Emma’s cautionary sequence about the French press spill and the unexpected opioid withdrawal/long hospitalization that followed — a reminder of how quickly a home accident can escalate.
Practical action items (quick checklist)
- Use oven mitts and secure grips (not dish towels) for heavy/greasy pans.
- When cooking bacon in bulk, position pans on stable surfaces; use racks that reduce grease pooling; remove pans slowly and level.
- Keep hot beverages and kettles away from infants and laps; set French presses on low‑risk surfaces.
- For burns: cool with lukewarm water; cover with clean cloth; go to ER for blistering, large burns or burns on sensitive areas.
- For deep cuts: apply pressure, immobilize limb, seek immediate medical attention; avoid pulling out deeply embedded objects without professional guidance.
- Maintain a basic first‑aid kit and know nearest burn center / ER.
Episode details & credits
- Hosts: Dax Shepard (host) with Randall Padman; Monica, Rob and producers appear in conversation.
- Callers featured: Seth (Brevard, NC), Sarah (London, Ontario), Emma (Honolulu, HI), Jen (Bay Area, CA).
- Sponsors read in episode: Quince (clothing/home goods) and Skims (underwear/bras).
- Tone: candid, humorous, supportive; frequent banter and empathetic follow‑ups to callers.
If you want a one‑line summary: this episode is a series of vivid listener stories showing how routine kitchen tasks can cause severe injury — and practical reminders to prioritize safety, not shortcuts.